SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 75

Report by Margaret Usborne A prize of f5 was offered for a limerick with rhymes conspicuous for their absence.

Well, no doubt I asked for it, setting an unrhymed limerick— apparently thought to be an easy verse-form—in the holiday-cum- silly-season. They came in torrents. One competitor alone sent in 22, of varying shapes and sizes. It wasn't difficult to reduce the pile of 237 to about 25, by making strict rules and throwing out the dull, the non-limericks, those that seemed to be meant to scan and didn't, and then a lot that were perfectly good and efficient, and amusing but just didn't make the overloaded honours grade. I think an extra foot or two in the right place, is allowable in a limerick, though my judging seems to show a leariing towards orthodoxy. Trying to make easier the almost impossible job of judging between those remaining 25, I put them in classes. Class 1: Efficiently true to the prototype as misquoted, but not laborious. Prizewinners, P. M. Lewis, £1 ; Allan M. Laing, 10s. Runners-up, E. P. Stanham and Mrs. V. R. Ormerod. Class 2 : Ingenious, beyond the silly simplicity of the example, right or wrong. Prizewinners, H. G. B. Brown, £1 ; R. S. Stanier, £1. Runners-up, H. C. Duffin, for his " Young Fellow of Potsdam, Whose. face was all covered with pimples, bother it," H. A. C. Evans for two Young Fellows respectively of Slough and named Black, and St. John Kidd for a rendering of the example into French. Class 3: Silly ones of much the same shape and pointlessness as the example, and favouring the St. Bees school of thought. I liked these best and had to be firm and restrict myself to one prizewinner, R. Kennard Davis, 10s., and two runners-up, J. A. Harrison and Graeme Wilson, for his Old man of the World.

Lewis Dodd is in a class by himself, and gets a prize, £1, for his crescendo of protest, of which I cannot resist quoting two stanzas. Finally an honourable, amused and appreciative mention for the Rev. A. Whigham Price.

PRIZES

(P. M. LEWIS)

Said a gentleman testing the soil For a doubtful deposit of petrol, " What a futile exertion When a nationalised Mede Will sample the fruits of my labour! "

(ALLAN M. LAING) There was a young lady of Ealing Who crawled like a fly on the window ; And there for a while, To vary her technique, She practised strathspeying and hornpipes.

(H. G. B. Baowv) There once was an elderly trout Who fell from a dangerous perch. She emitted a wail And exclaimed " Bless my soul! Whatever occasioned my flounder ? "

(R. S. STANIER) The Government cricket XI Felt stumped when they lost Mr. Gaitskell;

So they raised a loud cry,

" Come back to us, Hugh, And we'll knock the Opposition to Hell."

(R. KENNARD DAVIS)

There was an unfortunate batsman

Whose mother fell under the roller.

He cried All that grope

Will have ruined the pitch!

Go and fetch me a bucket of sawdust! "

(LEvvis Dore)

A certain old man of Tralee Met-another old man of St. Bees, To, whom he-declared "lam sure the same wasp

Has stung both your arm and my leg."

It WAS an old man of ST. BEES Who was stung on the ARM by a wasp, And whatever you say, I will NEVER admit He was stung in TRALEE on the LEG.

RUNNERS-UP (E. P. STANHAM)

A schoolmaster, stolid and thin,

Sat down on the point of a tack ; Though clearly designed

To prick his esteem The point never entered his hide.

(MRS. V. R. ORMEROD)

When sitting my Latin exam

I clearly remember saying " Bother, I think that my 'tutor

Said 'opus' was masculine, And I'm pretty sure agnus' means calf."

(H. A. C. EvANs) There was a young fellow from Slough Who believed he was terribly tough.

He was set on one day On the beach at New Quay, Till he shouted "I've had it. I'm through!

There was a young fellow named Black Who proposed to a lady named White; - But she cried " You're a Red, While I'm strictly True Blue.

Why, the thought of it turns me quite green!"