A NAVAL OUTING.
IT was while we were sitting smoking in the after suporatructure .1 in the dinner-hour that the idea was mooted. Lofty, after gazing at what he called our guts "—i.e., important parts of our
engines—lying at the side of the dock, vouchsafed his opinion that no matter what stunt was on no steam could be raised in this packet under throe days' notice. At this remark glances were levelled at ma.
and a well-fed Leading Stoker coughed behind his hand in a sug- gestive manner. I gathered from this that something eves expectel
of me, but waited for further enlightenment. Now I ant General Utility man on board. Is there an argument to be settled 7—I AM dragged in fora decision ; is there an entertainment to be arranged ?- my cabin is invaded ; is the magic word " picnic " breathed ?—I tremble ; and so the Leading Stoker's cough told use that once agaie I was to take the stage as manager of something. My only thought was—What am I to be lot in for this time ? Is it to he another concert party. when I shall stand at the wings again listening to verses appended at the last moment to the comedian's songs whic's would make a brass monkey blush, and watching the Admiral's face getting longerand longer ? Perhaps it's another seining party, whoa, like the last, we should have to pull five miles home in the cutter owinz to the wind dropping. A9 the result of variedexporionem my nerves are strong, and I hardly blenched when I heard Lofty musingly say: " We was very strong on bicycle picnics in mo last ship." I lute/ the worst then. Sixty or so brawny Blues would take are away for a day. I should have r, gridiron with a saddle made fast with wire. and my companions would compel me to bike at least thirty miler is and out, and I should have to he cheerful through it all. Yet this was looking ahead too much. First we must form what the blue- jacket loves dearly and will never omit from any function—a Com- mittee. The qualification for being on the Committee enema to he the power of bouncing your neighbours into the belief that you know something about the subject in hand. This we proceeded to do. An Able Seaman Gunlayor, 2nd Class, two badges, was hard at work already on this job. He was saying in a loud voice " The Cluis whet I used to ride with," when he was completely ousted by hit cheerful voice of our champion bad hat and good sort, Spike Memo. saying : " When I was in the ol" Andrew Maoh ' L' Andromache 'j in ought three—you remember, Alf—theygot up some races at 'Ors Kong and I didn't 'arf see 'em off for a quid in the bike race." Be didn't add that he was forty-eight hours adrift in coming on board after it, but some of us knew from previous experience that a quid and forty-eight hours adrift were almost synonymous to Spike. Sac% an impression did Spike make that he was immediately elected on the Committee, and soon our complement was made up. So far so good; but faces grew longer as some one inquired " Dyer think tin Bloke' will give us a day ? " I knew my cue by this time, and replied instanter : I'll see him all right this afternoon " ; and the meeting broke up.
So in the Dog Watches I made for the Commander's caboose very sure of my welcome. I'd served with " the Bloke " for a long time. lie was the keenest, whitest aitilorman that even a General Utility man was blessed with. His discipline was of iron, but he cared more for his men and officers than many a slacker man did, and I knew the day for the men was safe if he could possibly manage. " You want something, my boss from me ; I can see it in your eye," were his Cm ; words. " Right the very first time, Commander. Will you have a cigar or a bag o' nuts " I replied. Pipes were lit, my project stated, and there was only one hitch—were Spike and other leave-breakers to be included in the outing ? Now I had a great liking for those misoreants. They were always cheerful, the best hands at a gams, the best men in a tight earner, and, what appealed to me eapecial!y, the best men in our unbeaten Rugger side. I knew also that the Commander at the back of his mind knew, and liked them when not interviewing them at the defaulters' table, so I stuck to my guns. " Well, take your belly stiffs," said the Commander ; "but mind
• - you, if any one is adrift when you come on board, wash out any other Nance of a day off."
That was all I wanted, so " I beat it while the going was good," es Jeffery Farnol says. This didn't finish the job by a long chalk. Every Head of a Department had to be interviewed and watches arranged ; but it all went right, and the great day arrived, and, crowning marvel, a fine one. Fifty-five of us landed from the picket- boat and hurried off to the various bicycle-shops, which had been warned beforehand. Now came may great mistake. I could not be in eight or nine places at once, and so I kept no account of which bikes came from which shop, the result of which omission cost me some uneasy moments later. Our goal was a small market town eighteen miles distant renowned for nothing, with nothing to see, and nothing to do ; still, it was eighteen miles away, and that seemed to be the exact distance wanted. My anxieties began early as a stout P.O. coquettishly sidled up to and rammed an austere maiden lady who was crossing the road. The sprightly amends honorable from hint of " Sorry, Dearie, but the ruddy steering-gear jammed," helped matters but little, and I was glad when I had got my acrobatic team into the country roads. Our main object when we got on to the main road was to institute a series of life-and-death moss to prove our prowess at the work. I humbly took last place with a thankful heart, as my bike, no longer in its first youth, groaned and squeaked under me, protesting against outings in general, and naval ones in particular. I managed to escape all publicity until we name to a little town, celebrating its weekly market-day, when with a shout from Spike of " Ships will take station astern of the blinking flag- ship," there was an awesome crash as most of my party ran into each other ; but above the din could be heard those "terms of endear- ment " with which the Navy greet each other iu moments of excite- ment. I rode on in dignified silence until, hearing shouts of applause from the side-walks and ribald remarks, I looked round and looking blushed. I was" the blinking flagship," and there astern of me " in single line ahead" rode fifty-four brawny blues bowing with pretended modesty to the passers-by ! I longed for the seclusion of a country lane, but it was not yet. As we passed some farmers in the centre of the town looking at some cattle, our recognized wit greeted them with " Now I suppose yer'll put an extra tuppence a pound ou and ask what the Navy's doing, blast yer !"
By the time we bad cleared the town I was fervently wishing for a stand-easy, and it was not more than a nude or two on when it was granted me. I found my crowd, who had gone ahead of me a bit, grouped round their machines, and the one word "punctures " was I seed at me. Now I do not want to pose as a cynic or an unbeliever, but the fact remains that the punctures had happened outside the coolest and nicest little wayside hostelry that you could find. Still, why examine the good that happens to one in this world ? Rather take it unexamined and enjoy it. Foaming tankards were passed round, and I was expected to partake of each, which I did sparingly, remembering the heat and the proverbial hospitality of the British Blue. Soon we arrived at our rather uninteresting country town where we had arranged to stop, and whore, to use my friends' words, " we filled bunkers."
Our journey back was a realization of the fact that the human I ody has its limitations. The bikes seemed heavier, the road rougher, each mile was a mite and a half, but all this failed to damp the spirits of our outing. We plodded on till from the top of the hill we saw our starting-place once more. In front of us was two miles of down- hill ; in fact, one of the most dangerous hills in the South of England. I had tried my brake and found it more or lees of a broken reed, so I went steady at the side of the road. There was a whirl past me, a cry from Shorty Willis of " Ships will proceed on a full-power trial independently," and then my crowd went by, faces aflame with excitement, bikes of which about three had sound brakes, a hill with three bad turns in it ! I shivered in anticipation of what I should find when I got a bit further down, and I was not mistaken. At a bend in the road I came on two warriors covered with duet and blood and holding what remained of two bikes. By every rule of the game they should have been deed and a nasty mess at that, but the proverbial oat is a. short-lived animal compared to a Blue. No excitement, no loud cumee, but just one sportsman holding up Ilia caricature of a bike, while he tried to make the eoncertinaed wheel go round and murmuring to his pal: "I can't make the blinking — wheel 'save round." Imagine my joy when I had got them all back at dusk, more or lees whole.
There were rocks ahead yet. We began to return our bikes, and at the last shop we were two bikes short. Now I'm not a mathema- tician, but I defy even one of that kind to explain how fifty-fivemen on fifty-five bikes can be suddenly reduced to fifty-five men and fifty-three bikes; but there we were. Our boat was waiting for us at the pier, Commander was waiting for us on board, I was so sore I could hardly walk, and we were " shy " of two bikes. Can you
wonder that one by one we vanished to look for those bikes and found ourselves gathered in a group at the end of the pier ready for the boat I " Sir," said Shorty, " now I remember. It was the other street All and I got our bikes from. We've taken 'em to the wrong shop." Fifty-five weary figures trooped up the gangway that same evening tired but eminently satisfied in that fifty-five had gone and fifty-five returned, which means a suooessful outing.
Buse.
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