Psychiatrists and Others

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 197 Report by Guy Kendall

Competitors were asked to define (each in four lines of verse) any two of the following: a snob, a psychiatrist, a virtuoso, an agnostic.

The Agnostic produced many labyrinths, like this by G. H. E.: That there's a God, he does not know, And what he knows he knows not, Nor what he knows not does he know; God knows what else he knows not.

The Psychiatrist came in for some hard knocks, making one suspect that some authors had suffered from That "dowser of the heart" as J. N. Wheeler called him.

Possibly that is true of Martin Ammon who contributes the following: He says that every one should do Whate'er his ego bids; His ego bids him stick his nose In other people's ids.

The treatment of the Snob showed a good deal of variety. Frank Carr gave an original suggestion (note the sex!): But she's a snob who holds in deep derision The indigent neighbour without television. R. J. P. Hewison put it very concretely : Possessed of the uncommon touch, He pushes to the fore: He could not love a lord so much, Loved he not Viscounts more.

I recommend prizes 'of £2 each to Rene. Haynes and H. A. C. Evans, and £1 to "Pibwob." Commended are A. M. Sayers, Captain W. R. S. Robertson,

"Virtuoso" was chosen because its exact meaning has always eluded the setter. The history of it as given in the OED begins with : "one who has a general interest in arts and sciences." Then, presumably, the rival word "expert" entered the language, and "virtuoso" was affected by the "law of contracted (or specialised) meaning." It took a depreciatory sense and became something like "pundit." It then assumed an antiquarian tone, and finally became almost confined to music. All these facts are attested by our entries. For instance, to take the last point, R. E. Gregory sent the following rather inflated Clerihew: The virtuoso Is oh so Clever on the instrument of his choice That we are often led to wonder why he doesn't get on with playing it instead of spending so much time introducing each piece in that monotonous voice. Edward Blishen, Irene Munro Fraser, Mrs. D. S. Walker, Mrs. N. Gunter, J. Aitken, J. D. Macbride, John Farley-Smith and E. W. M.

PRIZES (RENE HAYNES) The Snob Victorian magnates all abhorred The common man who aped a lord; But in this age, condemn who can The lord who apes the common man?

The Psychiatrist 0 what a spiced and steaming stew

He cooks within the cauldron you

Mingling beneath the rattling lid Ego and Oedipus and Id.

(H. A. C. EVANS) The Agnostic He sees the mountains towering high; The splendour of the midnight sky; The flowers in simple beauty grow Each Spring—and still he doesn't know.

The Virtuoso There's none can make you ill at ease And wholly disconcerted, oh so

Quickly, with his expertise

And knowledge, as the virtuoso.

("PIBWOB") The Psychiatrist His clinic use is not to grub In conscious minds but in their sub, From which triumphantly he brings To light all sorts of horrid things.

The Agnostic When asked if he believes in God He'll neither shake his head nor nod; Where this means honest doubt, not whim, God, we are sure, believes in him.