11 DECEMBER 2004, Page 22

Ancient & modern

The footballer Wayne Rooney recently put on a party for his girlfriend, and the two families were soon punching each other's lights out; and last week a court ruled on the fight at the reception that ended the marriage of Vicky Anderson (40) to Scott McKie (23) after 90 minutes. Ancient precedent suggests there is political mileage here.

Since ancient Greeks were quite sensitive about the presence of 'aliens' in their private world, inter-family affairs were often fraught. At marriages in particular, when a woman from one family had to be incorporated into that of another, tensions were easily exacerbated. The Trojan war had its origins in the marriage between the goddess Thetis and the mortal Peleus, to which everyone was invited except Eris, goddess of discord. Infuriated, she lobbed in among the guests a golden apple inscribed 'to the most beautiful woman'. At once Athene, Aphrodite and Hera began to fight over it. Zeus, summoned to arbitrate, sensibly gave the job to a certain young Trojan, Paris... .

Yet the family was the Greeks' most precious institution. It is no accident that virtually all Greek tragedy deals with its bloody breakdown. Aeschylus' Oresteia trilogy and Sophocles Oedipus cycle make the point clearly enough.

The finest example of a bust-up at a wedding occurred at the marriage of Hippodameia to the Lapith king Peirithous. The half-man, half-horse Centaurs, who had earlier settled in Lapith territory, were duly invited to the celebration, but one whiff of the drink set them off, and their leader Eurytus tried to rape the bride. Galvanised by this inspiring example, the other Centaurs set about the bride's female attendants, and a battle royal ensued, at the end of which the Lapiths drove the Centaurs out of the region, with many dead on both sides.

But the incident was not forgotten. It became a favourite of artists of the classical period, and sculptors, taking it as a paradigm of the clash between civilisation and barbarism, recreated it on massive public monuments like the temple of Zeus at Olympia and the Parthenon in Athens.

Here, surely, is a message for 'familyfriendly' New Labour. Would not Wayne, Vicky and Scott look sensational on a shrine to Mr Blair's third term, symbolising all that is best about New Labour's 'modernised' Britain?