YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary
Q. My new husband has baggage from his previous life in the form of two best friends, a couple he has known for over 20 years. The female member of this couple drives me nuts. My husband, who adores her (and definitely does not fancy her), says she is not trying to wind me up, I am just reading her wrong and she is a lovely person. I can just about bear to have dinner with them occasionally, but now they have invited us to spend a week with them at their incredible house in the sun. It is luxurious there and my husband has been many times and longs to return. I don’t want to deny him his friendship, nor this holiday, but I don’t think I could keep my cool if I was at this woman’s mercy on her own territory. Losing my cool may, I fear, be exactly what she hopes for. What should I do, Mary? A. This holiday could be entirely tolerable were you permitted to bring along a third party in the form of one of your own close friends. A single man would fit the bill. No hostess can resist the prospect of a spare man and your husband will understand the value of you having someone present who is definitely on your side. His role will be to make objective judgments as to whether you are being subtly bullied or just paranoid. If the former, as human buffer he can deflect the negative energy away from you. If the latter, you can start to enjoy yourself. Your own friend will bring balance to the social dynamic and, more to the point, will keep you company by the pool while your husband spends quality time alone with his old friends.
Q. The discussion about what car to take to school functions reminds me of the problem which arose when I attended such occasions at my daughters’ public school. Having no car which, in my judgment, would compete, let alone dominate other cars in the park, I chose not to shame them with my green Granada. Instead my practice was to drive a decaying Fiat Panda, thereby firmly conveying the impression that it was a second car, perforce being used while the Rolls/Bentley was in the garage for servicing. No parent at Sherborne would have as their only car a Fiat Panda.
E.D.G., Lostwithiel, Cornwall A. Thank you for this useful tip.
Q. My daughter is unmarried at 38 but she is beautiful, clever and productive, highly paid and actually rather counting her blessings that she is not saddled with some grumbling old git. When I meet new people and they ask me about myself and whether I have children, inevitably they will ask about my daughter, ‘Is she married?’ How can I say ‘No’ in a positive way without overcompensating?
H.P., London W2 A. Why not raise your eyebrows saucily the way, in response to the same question, mothers of 38-year-old bachelors do and say, ‘No. Apparently she’s what’s called a bachel-her — one of this new generation of single women with everything going for them who simply can’t be persuaded to give up their freedom.’ Thus you will show that far from her being a Bridget Jones, your daughter’s single status is something she has been careful to conserve.
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