A Half Stand
By CHARLES F. F. FLEET
TUE Committee, whose quaint terms of reference embrace repairs to church clocks and donkey coats, gully pump attendants for the use of, con- cerned itself with a problem ever facing our democratic society. Should the new surrealist-type men's toilet have six cells or three?
Allowing an hour for discussion, the Religious Group moved and carried the day with two abstentions—one, a sadly unmarried lady social worker, the other a representative of the Plumbers Union, who, it might be argued, dis- closed an indirect interest in the matter at issue (London Government Act, 1938).
I heard of the matter through my boottnender, who added that his information pointed to a church party conspiracy aimed, of course, at the Plumbers' Union. This titbit was coloured by the milkman's story about extra milk at St. Wilfrid's. The issue was worth a half stand. Now, stands are important. A full stand on matters of principle— half stands on wastage of workers' money. The Town Clerk brought matters to a head that night by referring the item (Cole and Beazley on Rating).
At seven, to the clang of the bell, we entered the Housing Repairs, Redecorations, Renewals. Renovations and Rebuilding Committee General, wherein my item lay cleverly disguised under Public Health (Published Agenda Committees Ad Hoc). In a matter of an hour we sped to the Toilet and the Member for the Vatican opened the attack. An hour later I saw my chance, but, un- fortunately, was summoned to Main Hall to give advice to a tearful ratepayer whose husband had left her with six children and taken the television set to the other woman. Upon return it was clear the Plumbers were in danger, as Church had sent it to the Law Committee. It happened that Law were in session. Why, I. have never found out to this day. I followed Waffle Perkins (Grade II Mis- cellaneous General Substantive) down the corri- dor and entered Law. Hardly had the door closed before the rumpus started. The Plumber amended and moved. Rome—reinforced by Canterbury-- united, and chaos—the most intelligent Member of any local authority—took a hand in the pro- ceedings. Quite by accident I was able to speak on the resolution, and my friends still talk of those passionate minutes (Standing Orders V N. Members Proposing).
In the event it was dispatched to Finance Special farther up the corridor. Perkins, followed by Rome and CanterbUry, led the race, with the Plumber and me in hot pursuit. On that memor- able night the Mayor, three Aldermen and twenty- six Councillors squeezed into a room originally planned as a telephone kiosk. The oratory was superb, procedure enchanting and the rudeness invigorating. At midnight, after seven votes and two small adjournments for Chairman's pleasure, the matter resolved itself.
Mrs. Town Clerk phoned to wonder if she ought to put Wally's bottle in the bed, and the note, handed in by an exhausted messenger, found its way to the Chairman. The question was put and the sixth amendment was carried.
It was, therefore, agreed that some eighteen lavatories would be installed. The convenience would crawl with miles of lead piping, and the Surveyor would report before anything was done. He did, by kicking Waffle Perkins to his feet. Waffle read a letter from the Ministry of Local Government. The Minister regretted that he could give no permission to expend public money on a convenience at this time, but, if it was felt we ought to repair broken glass in the cold frames, such an application would he sympathetically considered.
1 left the Town Hall that night one half stand to the good. more to come with the prospect of cocoa.
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