The Boy Who Read Horror Comics

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 262 Report by A. M. 0. S.

A prize of LS was oflered for a Cautionary Tale in the Belloc manner dealing with the sad fate of the boy who was excessively addicted to American horror comics. Litnit twenty lines, including (if thought necessary) a moral.

THE 130 entries for this competition in- cluded a quite surprising number of excel- lent ones; but there was, understandably, a certain sameness in the method of ap- proach and the treatment of the subject. This did not apply to the various sad fates of the H-Comic addict or to the morals drawn therefrom. The miserable lads were sent to gaol and Borstal, hoisted in various ways by their own petards, had their derrieres spanked by the law, got their swelled heads stuck in their space helmets, were hanged, unsung, suffered nightmares, were surrendered to the LCC, put on a forced diet of sermons and Enid Blyton, figured in Mme. Tussaud's, decomposed in acid baths, ended up as gargoyles on Notre Dame, and-horror of horrors!- went on the stage.

The morals were that boys should not be taught to read at all, that tough youngsters should be treated tough, care more for goals than ghouls, 'always read with reser- vations the literature of other nations,' and stick to Alice, Toad, Winnie-the-Pooh, Henty, Sir Walter Scott, Beatrix Potter and-James Hadley Chase! The depths of meiosis were reached by the competitor whose moral was that reading horror comics always 'leads to chronic trouble.'

Thomas Dalby was almost alone in the view that Few saints are made by reading books. And horror comics make few crooks.

As I have hinted above, in this compe- tition an ounce of originality was worth more than a pound of wit, and I have chosen my three winners-A. M. Sayers, E. W. Fordham and Hubert Edgerley- mainly because they have expressed (not, of course, without wit) original points of view. They share the prize qually. Close runners-up were Edward Blishen, P.M., E. C. Jenkins and Joyce Johnson.

PRIZES (A. M. SAYERS) Now listen, child, while I relate The history of John P. Tate, Who manifested an addiction To certain kinds of horror fiction.

His parents grieved-but, strange to tell, The course of study served him well, For when he'd done with horror comics. He took a First in Economics.

Moreover, often in debate.

When his opponents howled with hate, He grew serener and serener And quelled them with his calm demeanour.

His colleagues asked him how it was: He said, 'Undoubtedly because I satisfied the pre-conditions

Required for scotching inhibitions.

The tales I shamelessly enjoyed. While you were studiously employed, Gave me the poise I have at present : I am no longer adolescent.'

(E. W. FORDI1AM) Joseph Tadd

(Who missed a Notable Position through perusing Undesirable Literature) The Character of Joseph Tadd Was neither Good nor very Bad; But Joseph was afflicted by Intense Susceptibility : Thus 'Three Blind Mice' left him in Tears, And Burglars' Feats aroused his Fears; Love Stories made the Lad insist On being passionately Kissed.

Alas, when he was nearly ten He found a Horror Comic; then With beating Heart and bated Breath He drank in every Tale of Death; In Violence he took Delight; He Tortured Kittens day and night,

He Stole a Cosh composed of Sand And killed a Lady in the Strand. Thus he-for I must tell the Truth- Became a quite unpleasant Youth.

Had Joseph stuck to Nursery Rhymes He would have edited The Times.

(HUBERT EDGERLEY) Sad End of a Boy Addicted to Horror Comics On Horror Comics Bert was bred. Their gruesome stories filled his Head, Inspired by Syd the Slasher's Actions, He chopped the Kitten into Fractions : Then, Pussy's gore upon his hands, He buried Baby in the Sands! Though hating to Frustrate their Son. His Parents felt it must be Done.

They took him to an Analyst Who said, 'He should be Soundly Kissed. Your little Son is only Tough Because he isn't Loved enough!'

And so. instead of being Whacked, The Wretched Boy was kissed and Packed With Chocolates, lees, Cakes-the lot : For all he asked for Bertie got.

Till one day, with a dreadful Bang, He Burst while eating a Meringue!

Moral If Comic Thugs you choose to Ape, From Punishment you can't escape!