Undue thanks
Jaspistos
In Competition No. 2284 you were invited to supply an imaginary example of a toecurlingly fulsome, snobbish andlor sentimental Acknowledgments page.
'Rosalie is Jeanne d'Arc in a Chanel suit. She is a sage. Tenaciously, devotedly, and with that rare finesse of hers, she shepherded me and my story. . . . From across 6,000 miles of land and sea, Amy Gash reined me in. No less than a brilliant editor, she saved me from an excess of "floating, hovering, lunging, festooning, raising up, and dancing". . . . This book was made by every Venetian who showed me the way or told me a secret, every one of you who sipped Prosecco with me, taught me a word, fed me, hugged me, rescued me. And cried with me. . . . That I lived among you for those thousand days is a divine keepsake, one that burnishes even the thinnest blaze of the sun and keeps me warm. .. 'Rich and rare, eh? I have taken it from the Acknowledgments in Marlena de Blasi's forthcoming A Thousand Days in Venice (Virago).
Limping behind come our prizewinning parodists, printed below, earning £30 each, J. Seery bags the Cobra Premium beer.
To lime, Birgitte and Eva for suggesting it; Davina for showing me beauty in unexpected places: Amanda for allowing me to tune my own inner orchestra; David who introduced me to selfacceptance; Daniela who massaged my fragile ego with fragrant oils in my moments of doubt; Luerece who gave; Miranda who soothed without trespassing; Virginia upon whose living-room floor I took metaphorical refuge at critical moments; Justin and Julian for showing me — and Tuscany — that there is another way; Hermione who enriched me without impoverishing herself; Cornelia for the gentle art of correcting while caressing; Roberta for leading me into the light and Kelly for shielding me against its more dangerous rays; all who opened their mental and spiritual treasure houses to me and said 'Partake': John, Wendy and Philippa just for being there; Sebastian for what only we two will ever know. J. Seely East Hertfordshire Bus Stations could not have been written without the help of so many wonderful people. Undying thanks go to Mrs Pellew, who taught me to read, an age ago. Arthur Danvers's majestic Bedfordshire Bus Stations first lit the flame for me. Thanks to Dawn Gillingham for courage, confidence and cocoa, and to Terry Bassett — you always could spell better than me, Terry! Sid Alton laid down his cloak for me when the puddles were getting too big.
Away from Hertfordshire, Lao-tzu taught me that a journey of' 1,000 miles must begin with one
step. and Ludwig Wittgenstein's Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus was invaluable, as always.
My debt to Phyllis Dobson cannot be repaid this side of the grave. Gerry, my gerbil, was always there for me, even when humans weren't. Tony Blair has made me proud to be British.
And, eternally, of course, thanks to Huggybun —just because.
Nicholas Hodgson
This book was really written by God, so She deserves most of the credit, but my thanks go out to all those beautiful spirits who helped me through the long hours at the word processor: the incomparable Moira, who cooked the afterbirth of my firstborn with fresh cepes and scallions; Tony and Ambrose, the miracle workers who redecorated my bedroom in Jungian blue to help me recapture memories of childhood; Juanita, Saffron, Marylee and Use of the San Francisco Women Against Male Punctuation project — deeply, wonderfully supportive: Nelson Mandela, whose inspirational example proved that you needn't wear dull clothes to he a vital, grounded person; my friend, therapist and fellow-genius Dr Elaine Kleinberg, for showing me the true importance of my personal feelings and reassuring me over my body-mass index; and — for good deeds too bountiful to list — Michael Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor and the Dalai Lama.
Basil RalLSOMe-Davies I must express my infinite gratitude to the myriad busy and distinguished persons who have given of their time and expertise to assist me in this endeavour: first my guru, the Swami Magamishi for his counsel both spoken and telepathic; next (though these names appear in no particular order) my longsuffering PA, Rhoda, who deciphered my handwriting. answered the telephone, tolerated mycotems, and when necessary wiped away my tears; to Lord Colynbroock for his encyclopaedic knowledge of Scout knots: Professor Chumble for his hints on Etruscan etiquette, and the Hon, Beryl Fortescue who aided me in ways too various to enumerate; to my editors at Grady-Perkins for their invaluable advice on 'dots and commas'. Finally. I must thank my parents, grandparents and their progenitors, without whom I myself would not have been possible, with what disastrous results for this perhaps not unimportant study the reader may himself imagine. Gerard Benson Working on this hook has brought home to me the sheer awfulness of the creative process and so I welcome the opportunity to thank those who have shared my pain. First, there's my brilliant editor. William Gilligan, a man of infinite resource and with a deep understanding of my need for Jimmy Choo shoes. Thank you, Willie, for just being you! Nor must I omit my wonderful mother-in-law, Hetty, a lady who wears the strawberry leaves so lightly that one thinks of them only as an infusion in one of her magical herbal teas. And a special thank-you to the people of Tuscany: you took me to your hearts last summer and guided me, wondering, into an enchanted kingdom. I hope I have done justice to your special world. I salute you, ml huoni amid and in the words of your oft-repeated greeting, Vaffanculo! May we meet again soon.
Jean Lough
No. 2287: Rascally Rover Dylan Thomas's first published poem was 'The Song of the Mischievous Dog'. You are invited to try your hand at a poem with this title. Maximum 16 lines. Entries to 'Competition No. 2287' by 24 April.
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