SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 145

Report by C. S. W.

A prize of £5 was offered for a list of Christmas presents, with appropriate messages, to be sent by any one of six notables to the other five.

Competitors sometimes complain that the terms of a competition are not clear. This time they could do so with reason. In many copies of the Spectator for November 21st (mine included) the last word or two of each line was defective or even missing. Only one of the lacunae seems to have defeated the palaeographical skill of entrants, and even there, as will be seen hereafter, no marks were lost for supplying the editor of Punch for his opposite number of Pravda (though what either would think of the exchange I dare not speculate). However, to all who were puzzled or worried—still more to any who were put off altogether—sincere apologies.

Perhaps the quality of the printing affected competitors' inspira- tion. Anyway, the entries were rather few, and not of a very high standard. Or perhaps for that too some apologies are due from the setter. For just as, in the words of the Civil Servant, you cannot drop bricks without straw, so the competitive oyster cannot secrete pearls without grit—and that of superior grade. There were a few bulls (Europa 's and other). The best—and not bred on the Peronian pampas—was the last message in the Reverend P. A. Schofield's entry ; see below. There were also some palpable misses (not only Europe, 1952). In particular, M. Picasso, whatever else he may be or have been, is not a surrealist. The gift to him of " a meat-carver made of fur " turned out as useless to the competitor as it would have done to the supposed recipient.

It would perhaps have been exigent to expect the choice of gifts to reflect the personality of the donor. Certainly few entries attempted this double subtlety. But the messages were often pleasantly two- edged, or at any rate facing-both-ways. H. A. C. Evans had the good idea of accompanying Mr. Noel Coward's presents with apt quotations from the master's works—and then spoilt the symmetry of the scheme by appending to his final gift a quotation from a less modern author.

In all the circumstances, I award a sole prize of £1 10s. to C. B. Ricks (whose Miss Europe, 1952, is evidently not a dumb—nor a witless—blonde). Commendation to the Reverend P. A. Schofield —see above—H. A. C. Evans, Mrs. C. M. Grant and C. F. E., whose entries, in whole or meritorious part, are printed below.

PRIZE

(C. B. RICKS)

Christmas presents given by Miss Europe, 1952, to :

Mr. NOEL CowARD—A diaeresis, since I hear you have lost your old one. SENOR PERON—Milton's Areopagitica, which I am sure you will find novel and instructive. M. PICASSO—Ornithology for Everyman for further study of the gull - and the dove. MRS. BRADDOCK—The Stewardship of the Chiltern Hundreds, which I trust you will find useful. THE EDITOR OF Punch—A year's subscription to The New Yorker. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. COMMENDED (REv. P. A. SCHOFIELD) Mr. Notl Coward to : SENOR PERON—A tin of Cottage Pie. " The times are out of joint." Miss EUROPE, 1952—A stuffed owl. " His call is mine—to wit, to woo."

M. PICASSO—A packet of blancmange powder. " The ' shape ' of things to come ? "

EDITOR OF Pravda—A framed photograph of Mr. Winston Churchill. " Like a John Bull to a red rag."

(H. A. C. EvANs) Noel Coward sends presents to : SENOR PERON—A year's subscription to The Times and, of course, The Spectator. " Long live The Press " (Words and Music.) MRS. BRADDOCK—A Book of Ballets. Dance, dance, dance, little lady." (This Year of Grace.) Miss EUROPE, 1952—A spray of orchids. " There's a younger generation Knock, knock, knocking at the door." (Words and Music.) EDITOR OF Pravda—An ice bag. " Though the English are effete They're quite impervious to heat." (Words and Music.)

M. Picasso—A bird-cage. " The dove found no rest for the sole of her foot." (Genesis.) (MRS. C. M. GRANT) Miss Europe, 1952, to :

THE EDITOR OF Pravda—My false fingernails. " To one who is red in tooth and claw."

M. Picasso—My false eyelashes (for a new brush). " Paint me 1 But through my eyes, please ! "

(C. F. E.) Miss Europe, 1952, to : M. Picasso—Section of surplus railway track. " Just a few lines, darling."

THE EDITOR OF Pravda—A cowslip's bell. " A natty little number to lie in next year."