SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 45

Report by D. R. PutItly

Problems, whether impersonal. like the dollar-gap, or personal. like the servant probein. eternally beset the human race. A prize of IS was offered for an extract from a leading article, discussing a New Problem for the new half-century, and preferably offering a solution for it.

Inevitably this competition presented the choice between a serious and a facetious approach. and I am afraid that the latter won the day. There were a number of good " serious " entries, though these predominantly suffered from the shortcoming th..: the problems presented could not really be called " New " ; I have particularly in mind those of G. F. Cranston, Michael Ford, Ian Raitt and A. Hepburn.

1 liked The Times fourth leaders by R. Kennard Davis and H. A. C. Evans ; Dr. White's plea for the compulsory mating of two types of man—the " Naturals " and the "Synthetics "—made interesting reading. I also congratulate Philip Kershaw, who posed the 1990 problem of what to do with disused road vehicles, and R. B. Browning on the Rubber Problem.

I propose a prize of D. for Cinna and three of £1 each for Atomus, Martin Jordan and A. B. J. Runners-up are J. Aitken (with whom 1 entirely agree), M. H. de Lisle and Frances Collingwood.

FIRST PRIZE

(CIA)

For many people in this country the problem of finding accommoda- tion during the coming winter is now particularly urgent. For this reason, the appearance yesterday of a new map* will be doubly welcome. As an example of its value, it makes clear the possibility of digging a small family cave by hand in the soft, red sandstone of the Wirral coast. Used in conjunction with the newly-established State Game Office, .the map must surely come to be regarded as indispensable. The existence in the same area of soft rock and plentiful supplies of game will send many families hurrying to what used to be the borders of Lancashire and Yorkshire. The mammoth has been observed as far south as Ashbourne in Derbyshire, and the return of this animal to our shores Is an excellent safeguard against starvation. It would be a courageous pioneer, indeed, who ventured to make his home on the exposed granite cliffs of Scotland, but the almost unlimited supplies of seal-meat avail- able there might be thought a sufficient reward for the hardships of life there and the hazards of the long journey north. The need is still for men with such spirit, and the fortitude of the few families living on the barren top of the Great Orme at Llandudno must give rise to widespread admiration. They have asked others to join them, the only qualification being an entrenching tool, and this is a splendid gesture towards easing the whole problem of housing the Great Remnant.

'The Geological Strata ot this Country. published by the State Survey Office, Much Wenlock, at three eggs and a pound of butter. Limited rice-paper edition, four eggs and two pounds of butter.

SECOND PRIZES (Mom us)

"The Humari Look," January list, 1990.

As we enter the last decade of the twentieth century, mankind's fore- most problem is the preservation of that "human look" which used to characterise the species. Indeed, so common was the lhuman look" before the unmentionable period, that often efforts were made to disguise it, an especially favoured alternative being the "feline look." Whereas now the difficulty is absence of hair, nails and eyebrows, the fashionable aim then was to mutilate the precious gifts nature was still Kind enough to bestow. Hair was dyed blue, nails varnished crimson, eyebrows removed and repainted elsewhere. Care should be taken when examining ancestral photographs,, est a wrong impression be gained of the true "human look."

Anglo-Saxon nails were usually pink. Hair was normally black, brown, golden or auburn, and in old age grey. Eyebrows followed the line of the eye, and the "faun look" of the period must not be mistaken for the natural "human look."

Provided your international health card is stamped adequately, you may now obtain hair, nails and eyebrows with the natural "human look." Eyelashes may be included in the arrangement shortly. This is a great improvement on the pioneer scheme of the mid-century when the demand was mainly for teeth, which, though they still grew in the human mouth, were apt to decay quickly.

There is, therefore, no reason why we should not all look as human as possible, provided we resist the temptation to wear the green nails, purple wigs and golden teeth offered by the less reputable private practitioners, who seek only to profit from the people's ignorance of what the "human look" really was.

(MARTIN JORDAN) OPINION

The Government has decided not to rebuild Hadrian's Wall.

All praise to Mr Attlee for his wise decision (which should have been made six months ago).

Ever since the Tartan Curtain descended, this paper has opposed the wall-cranks. What is needed is not a static defence line, but a ring of strategic bases from which to hammer the Scots.

Let there be no weakness here. And let the Prime Minister give an eye to the state of our forces. How many of the gaps caused by the mass desertions of Scotsmen in '51 have been filled ? The public must be told.

Meanwhile, we still have our diplomatic representatives in Scone. The collapse of the Balmoral conference last year does not mean that the door is shut. We should press for more talks, whilst sticking unflinch- ingly to our just demands:—

Immediate evacuation of the Isle of Man by the aggressor.

International inspection of the Hebridean labour camps, And, above all, THE RETURN OF THE STONE.