By Tamzin Lightwater MONDAY Look! There is no question of
us doing a U-turn on our pledge to match Labour’s spending plans. You can’t do a U-turn if you were never going to go a particular way in the first place. Or if you went for a long drive that brought you exactly back to where you started, you wouldn’t say you’d done a U-turn. You’d say you’d done a circle. Or a curve. Oh dear. Let’s put it this way: we always planned to stop promising to match Labour’s spending plans by the end of this year. So in fact we are on target for fulfilling one of our key pledge reversals! Or let me put it another way... No, it’s no good. And I’m going to get tested on this later when we have our daily ‘Ditching Our Pledges for the Economic Year 2010’ progress update. I’m toast.
TUESDAY Huge headache from all the champers at Dylan and Dave’s book launch in swanky Park Lane hotel last night. It was a super do but a bit tiring trying to keep up with so many glamorous celebrities demanding tax cuts because they are down to their last ten million! Ended up sitting at the back selling books near Gids who was — controversially — wearing a tie and furiously scribbling numbers on the back of an envelope.
Last thing I needed today was Mr Redwood: ‘Morning Tamzin! I thought you might enjoy a copy of my excellent report to reread at your leisure, or now if you’d prefer, while I stand here. Also you will find on my blog all sorts of interesting ideas for how to stimulate growth and get Britain moving again!’ Is it just me or does he sound like he’s selling laxatives? In any case, he left copies of his report everywhere, with the relevant pages on spending cuts turned down, including in the loo. (Actually, it’s a bit softer than the recycled stuff Dave insists on us using.) Then Gids came in for a meeting and had to crawl on his hands and knees behind desks to avoid him. He was crouched behind an aspidistra for 20 minutes at one point, peering through the leaves. It was like a scene from Rambo. Or one of DD’s bonding sessions.
WEDNESDAY A squeaky-voiced lady called Hazel keeps ringing up to speak to Dave. She says they met on the train the other day and she wants to talk in more depth about some of the ‘smashing ideas’ they had about ‘cementing Tony’s legacy’. She says I’m to pass on to Dave how nice it was to deal with a political leader at the height of his powers and how much she was looking forward to getting inside his Big Tent (the cheek!). Said she was in London till Friday when she had to go back to Salford for surgery. I wished her a speedy recovery and sent an email to Jed for when he gets back to California. He’ll sort it out.
THURSDAY Still no idea what to tell Mr Gaddafi and Mr Chávez. I’ve never known two people so desperate to have tea with Dave. It’s tricky. On the one hand, we hold no truck with tyrants; on the other, they do bring a welcome splash of glamour to the important issue of despotism. Hazel’s been on the phone again as well. That woman will not take no for an answer. Says she’s in the Cabinet: obviously mad.
I told her we’re v busy writing Dave’s conference speech and drawing up revised spending plans. She said: ‘Ooh, that’s interesting. Do you think you’ll be cutting much?’ Told her we didn’t have the first clue. Honestly, the people we have to deal with.
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