No. 1313: The winners

Jaspistos reports: Competitors were asked for a poem, six lines at the most, containing all the letters of the alphabet.

The best entry this year. I salute you. Technically, it wasn't such a hard problem — I noticed that one competitor's name and address happened to contain all but six letters of the alphabet — but to be funny or epigrammatic as well as just making sense took some doing. There were packs of quick brown foxes (a lazy dog's way out?) and too many people with names like Xavier or Jonquil, but the winners stood out by their apparent effortlessness. They get a munificent £4 each.

NB: Competitors are always at liberty to submit more than one entry. Exclaimed Louis Quatorze Over joyful applause: 'Bourbon kings don't want The Edict of Nantes.' (John Greenhalgh) The Exercise dump liquor they seize overboard: Whisky-hooked dolphins rampage in the fjord.

(Ralph Sadler) In Genesis the Good Book says, God built the world in just six days, Creating from a formless void A unique Eden unalloyed; But crazy Adam's menace is His power to undo Genesis. (Cyril Mountjoy) What joy a seedsman's catalogue can bring, What countless visions from its pages spring! Yet all I hope, like any garden-lover, Is but some bloom to raise, some cutting strike, Equal in size and just exactly like The colour photo printed on the cover.

(S. M. Groves) Squeeze the juice from two fresh lemons, Pour it on the Bombay duck, Mix some gravy powder in it - God knows what you'll get. Good luck!

(D. B. Jenkinson)

Quick sex with Bing Made Jill's life fun. That's why she leaves Her zip undone. (Robert Campbell) A squall of waspish drizzle blots the view, Jet-black the face of her I made my tryst with. A thousand curses on this Celtic minx Who urged a sly weekend in Aberystwyth!

(D. A. Prince) The quick brown fox Eats the cocks; And then Jumps over the lazy dog and eats the hen.

(Bernard Levin) What next, Jaspistos, have you got in store To daze your flock of lambs who queue for slaughter?

Excuse me for my crazy hope to score: I reckon, judge, you've bowled us quite ,.

snorter.

Quick! I must weave exemplary designs - Three alphabets, just half a dozen lines.

(Peter Hadley) The politics of Tony Benn I can't extol with any zeal.

Just fancy him in Number Ten!

The queer revulsion that we feel May seem a joke today: alas, This dreadful thing might come to pass.

(Ted Parrott) Oh, why do these quirkish comp. setters Find joy in tormenting their betters With problems that are So extremely bizarre? (Well, I think I've used up all the letters.) , (Gerard Beason!

The slow-worm is no worm at all; It is a lizard minus feet, And on its belly it must crawl, Extracting juicy slugs to eat.

Folk very frequently mistake This harmless reptile for a snake. (O smith) As Lewis Carroll placed above All adult fields of human love The making friends with little girls (Who were to him as spotless pearls), He gained the most exquisite prize Of trustful joy in children's eyes. rhard)

(F. A. Blanc

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We saw 'dozens of plays in those long vanish days When the prices (and we) were so keen. Few expenses accrued, for we jolly well queued, And one night, when we saw CYmbeline' As We were two of the bods sitting up in the 8(3" And it worked out a ha'penny a scene. (Joyce Johnson}