Q. Please help. My mother-in-law, in other ways an admirable
woman, cannot resist meddling in every aspect of our lives. She has a skin like a rhinoceros and is impervious to pleas to keep her distance. The final straw came when, two days after my mother's death, she rang to ask whether! would like her help in buying flowers for my personal floral tribute at the funeral. How should I have responded so that she got the message without my seeming rude or ungrateful?
J.B., North Yorkshire A. You have an attitude problem. Most modem people need all the back-up they can get. Rather than being chippy about your own personal competence, you should be enjoying the facilities on offer. For example, when your mother-in-law asked whether you would like her help with the funeral flowers, you could have replied pleasantly, `No thanks, I've dealt with that. But there is something else you could do which would be really helpful. Would you run a creche for our friends' children or be in charge of clearing up any dog poo in the churchyard?' Your mother-in-law probably just wants to be involved but, in this way, even if there is a bit of a quiet power stnixle going on, you can still sit in the driver's seat at the same time as saving yourself between £6 and £10 per hour for the cost of hiring spare pairs of hands.
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