Nursery Rhymes for the Times

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 254 Report by Allan 0. Waith Many nursery rhymes are based on historical incidents-'Goosey Goosey Gander' was Bishop Gardiner and the 'old man who wouldn't say his prayers' was Archbishop Cranmer. A prize of £5 was offered for a nursery rhyme based on any incident which occurred in 1954.

THIS was a remarkable popularity race in which the Oldest Competitor ran away with nearly all the prizes: Churchill first, Ban- nister a close second, and the other twenty- three (including Chris Chataway, Pat Smythe, Private Schine, George Orwell, Senator McCarthy, Billy Graham, Boccac- cio, •Mithras and Myxomatosis) nowhere. Two unidentifiable runners were scratched.

Many failed to resist the temptation to be a bit too clever and too long for nursery rhymesters and produced parody rather than pastiche. Again, the innocent cruelty of many nursery rhymes was better matched by Douglas Hawson's 'She took a new paint brush and sloshed off his feet' than J. R. Simon's 'Atom bomb, atom bomb, what did you there? I saw some Jap fishers and powdered their hair.'

The four prize-winning entries are almost equally good, and after much hesitation, I recommend a first prize of £2 to John Myers and each to C. D. Carew Robinson, A. J. W. I., and Allan M. Laing, all of whom achieved the delightful simplicity of the anthology favourites.

Honourable mention to G. J. Blurfdell (Wolves v. Spartak), Katy (1984), A. M. Sayers (Churchill's Portrait), C. B. and Frances Collingwood (Bannister), J. Aitken and Sir John Craig (H-Bomh), Lakon (Colonel .Wigg). and A. D. Grant (Crichel Down). Six of these are printed.

PRIZES

(JOHN MYERS)

Winny Winny Woodford Had a little drink,

Talked a lot of fiddle-faddle, Didn't stop to think. Said a little soldier Had a little wire, Couldn't find it anywhere, Must be in the fire.

(C. D. CAREW ROBINSON)

Attleboy, Summergirl, where have you been? We first went to Moscow and then to Pekin\ : We parted the Curtain and peeped through the Chink;

We'd red mullet to eat and soft syrups to drink.

(A. J. W. I.)

Old Man, Old Man, so weighty and bold, Where will you go when you're eighty years old?

I'll go in a coach to Westminster Hall, And they'll give me a picture to hang on my wall.

(ALLAN M. LAINO)

Monty, Monty, bread-and-jam, What did you do with the telegram? Burned it or spurned it, or buried it deep, And poor little Winnie is ready to weep.

COMMENDED (c. a.) Run a mile, run a mile, Bannister man, Beat it and fleet it as fast as you can. Run-a-long, down-a-long, Four-Minute egg, Twice round the bend is once round the leg.

(A.' M. SAYERS)

'Oh Winnie!' said Graham, 'Oh what shall I do?

'I've painted a picture that isn't like you.' 'Don't worry, don't worry I' was Winnie's reply,

'For I can look like it if only I try.'

(SIR JOHN CRAIG)

Sam made such a how-de-do That it cracked the sky in two, And it's rained for ever after. Could anybody have been dafter?

(LAKON) Colonel Wigg set out to dig.

He didn't know what he was after.

He met an old fellow who gave a great bellow And called him an Army Schoolmaster.

(KATY)

Georgie Orwell, Horror and Hate, Scared the girls into such a state! For the future they depend Now on 'What the Stars Portend:'

(J. AITKEN)

Who killed Kuboyama?

'Not I,' said the Sea, 'I was calm as could be.

Who killed Kuboyama?

'Not I,' said the Wind, 'I was gentle and kind.'

Who killed Kuboyama?

'You,' said the bright stars then, 'You are all guilty, Men, 'You killed Kuboyama.'