Your Problems Solved
Dear Mary Q. The other night, at a quarter to eight, I suddenly realised I had invited a total of 15 people to dinner. Adding to this number my husband and myself, there would have been 17 people trying to sit at a table which holds a maximum of 13 at a very tight squeeze. More to the point, I only have 13 chairs. I felt I had no alternative but to cancel four of the guests and did so at ten to eight. Although I reinvited these two couples to come on the following night they sent chilly texts saying they thought they would pass. Did I have an alternative, Mary? How could I have handled this crisis more tactfully?
RJ., London W11 A. Most middle-aged men would be overjoyed by such a last-minute reprieve, thinking 'Now I can blob in front of the telly instead of having to sit up straight and be good value.' Women, by contrast, do not usually enjoy the negative pleasure of cancellation. The snub would have rankled. How was it that they, out of the 15, fell into the disposable category? Instead you should have cried for help, publicised your stupidity and appealed to the better judgement of those guests who had not yet left home. What did they think you should do? Could they, between them, bring round four extra chairs and two card tables, for example? So much of social enjoyment is to do with status reassurance. The evening would have got off to an excellent start had the guests been confident from the moment of arrival that, no matter how wonderful your house, your figure, your cooking and how impressive your social network you were au fond a Mrs Bean figure and, essentially, they were superior to you.
Q. I owe a friend, not a close one, a letter of thanks for one of condolence that she sent to me. I have been hesitant about putting pen to paper and am dismayed by my rudeness. However, it stems from a shameful suspicion that my own letter may find its way on to eBay or may even be sold privately. I shudder to say this, but I am a 'celebrity'.
Name and address withheld A. A 'celebrity; when writing to dodgy recipients, can ensure privacy by making reference in the letter to some matter the recipient would prefer to draw a veil ova For example, `I have fond memories of the days when you were having an affair with X', or 'I felt so sony for you when you lost all that money you were investing for Y. This is low behaviour in its own right. It is far better to rise above your suspicions and give this fringe friend the benefit of the doubt. Assume that her condolences are sincere and write back accordingly. Should she choose to betray your trust it is her problem.
Q. Re paper clips (16 June). Aunts is Aunts, but in the world of men paper clips are known as court martial clips, not because Chq. End, mysteriously escapes, but because in a pile of paper-clipped material v. important loose sheets from other documents become ensnared, never to be seen again.
M.B., Hertford A. Thank you for pointing this out but such v. important loose sheets can just as easily, but more inextricably, be ensnared during a stacking and stapling procedure.
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