YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. When sending flowers in London, I ring Pulbrook & Gould who I know will send something fabulous. In the summer, for example, they sent out for me little two- foot-high banana trees with wonderful leaves, banana flowers and embryonic bananas. My problem arises when sending flowers to country friends, since unknown provincial florists may well deliver some- thing garish inside a cellophane-fest. I know this from having received such bunches myself in the country. The recipients would never tell you, of course, that they were dis- appointed, for fear of hurting your feelings. Flow can I avoid this problem?
L.F., London SW) A. You can do country bunching through Pulbrook & Gould as well. They have a rap- port with certain provincial florists and can be stern about what is sent. Otherwise, if you are going through the usual agencies, the trick is to say what you don't want. Insist on no bows, no gypsophila, no carnations and no chrysanthemums; by asking that the florist stick to one colour or one flower, you will minimise the risk of offence.
Q. For some years I have been patronising a second-hand bookshop hidden away in a back street of our local town. The proprietor has always worn a weary-with-laurels expres- sion and a manner which somehow implies a discreet acquaintance with the literary grandees whose libraries form the basis of his stock. Excited by their suggested provenance, I was always happy to pay through the nose for the little finds I came across in his shop. The other day, however, while parked in the High Street, I happened to see this book- seller inside a charity shop. He was elbowing others aside like a common fishwife as he rif- fled through the bookshelves. Once he had stacked up a good armload, I watched him hand over the princely sum of 15 and then receive change. I feel somehow cheated, Mary. How can I punish this man for having exploited my own pretentiousness, or at least let him know that I am on to his game?
B.S., Wiltshire A. Next time you go into the second-hand bookshop, first pay a visit to the same char- ity shop, buying something worth 20 pence. Retain the 20 pence sticker and paste it inside a volume in the bookshop priced at around £15. 'Ooh look!' you can cry, wav- ing the volume out of his grasp. 'Lucky you. Getting this for only 20 pence from the Prospect Hospice shop and now charging f15 !' No doubt he will be confused into retorting, 'I'm sure I paid 40 pence.' After this you will be in a strong position to nego- tiate substantial reductions on each future purchase.
Q. I have a suggestion for any of your readers who may have to suffer the indignity of a din- ner companion who insists on leaving their mobile telephone switched on, and then tak- ing calls. Ensure that you travel to the restau- rant armed with a broadsheet newspaper. As soon as the offending phone rings, noisily and ostentatiously pick up your newspaper, open it to its maximum width, and bury your- self in an article you particularly want to read. Make no attempt to stop reading when your companion has finished the call, but wait until they try to draw you back to your food and conversation. You can apologise perfunctorily and put the paper away; ensure that you repeat the process should the need arise. I have found that this works wonderful- ly, the companion in question no longer feel- ing the need to bring a telephone to our reg- ular dinner engagements.
Wonston, Hampshire A. Thank you for your useful suggestion.
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