Westmmster Corridors
Intrigued beyond measure by the surging Enthusiasm of good Doctor Cosgrave — for you must be aware that he is as true a Tory as ever daubed himself with Woad — for the annual Gathering of the Universal Alliance of Trades Combinations, viz, that it is mainly composed not of the Diggers, Fifth Monarchy Men and Scoundrelly Radicals of Common Report, but is distinguished by the Presence of Handsome Ladies, Statesmen more cerebral than Any since proud Churchill, and in general of Patriotic Stalwarts such as those who would rather be ruled by Muscovites than Frenchmen — Sir Simon and I repaired to Brighton post-haste.
Nor did our Arrival pass unremarked. Pamphlets of every Description, urging Courses as various as that the Directing of Enterprises should be placed wholly in the Hands of Workmen and their Academical Well-wishers (viz, the pamphleteers), or that the Administration should Cure the Nation's Economical Woes by the Vast Expenditure of Revenue extracted from All but the Poorest — which Courses are not, on Reflection, at very Variance — were pressed upon Us. Though we withstood these Blandishments, we nonetheless persuaded, by Payment of a small Coin, one among their Hawkers to accompany Us and to point out those leading figures whom the good Doctor had lauded as "fascinating, powerful, witty, knowledgeable, celebrated, universally beloved, etc etc etc etc", lest We should fail to Detect these Qualities by dint of unaided Perception.
Following our guide into the Interior of what seemed a Moslem Shrine, miraculously set down in Sussex from the Indies, We encountered a great Concourse of the lower Orders — amongst whom, however, there were precious few Moslems. Evidently quarrels were in train, for the Mob was much agitated and disturbed.
''Tis a Dispute between Contending Factions of the Highwaymen's and Allied Trades Confederation," remarked our Mentor. "Those who would be called Moderates declare that it is enough if Anyone who holds the Public to Ransom merely utters his Threats in a low Whisper. Those of contrary are Adamant that his Task is only half done if he omits the traditional Shout of 'Stand and Deliver'."
At this the Champion of the Loud-mouthed Faction stood forth to assert that. sooner than forgo spine-chilling Demands for "Your Money or Your Life," he and those of a like Mind would rather Increase their Assaults on the Purses of their Betters — until the entire State was run on Highwayman Principles. Notwithstanding their Title, the Whispering Faction now gave vent to loud Cries of Abuse and Anger, declaring that there need be no Confrontation between Highwaymen and the Public if Demands were quietly made and promptly Met, and a Government in Office that looked with favour on the legitimate wishes of the Highwaymen for Loot and of the Public for Tranquillity — but that this fortunate Compromise was set at Risk by those who would Advertise the Discomfiture of their Victims, and in Advance at that.
Whereupon the principal Shouter returned to the fore, declaring that these Criticisms had much on their Side and that His Sutlers would agree to practise Extortion with due Politeness. And this Great Reversal occasioned not the slightest Wonderment at all among those present except Ourselves, who, on enquiring of our Companion, were told that 'twas the time-honoured Custom at these Gatherings, On a sudden, however, there appeared among Us the Chief Minister, attended as ever by a Vast Retinue of Place-seekers, Scribblers, Hacks of Every Variety, et al, in great good Humour all. "Mighty Significance attends your Deliberations," he assured the gratified Delegates. "Pray, be assured that Incomes Policy is as Dead as cold Mutton. Instead, the Planned Growth of Incomes is ..."
At this he broke off with a curse, returned some Papers to one among his Attendants, received others in return, and Commenced anew: "It is the Social Contract upon which we are Embarked. The Planned Growth of Incomes no longer adequately describes our Purpose,"
Torn Puzzle
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