A Ballade of One-sided Correspondence
"DEAR Smith "—No I won't, once again I decide, (You've been waiting, you say, for a year more or less) I know I've not answered, I've not even tried, (Dear, dear ! And you "sent it by special express ! ") Tot homilies quot—as for me, I confess,
I never was one of your Yankee go-getters.
I remember your name and I've got your address, But you mustn't expect me to answer your letters.
Yes, I daresay you wrote, though I never replied,
If you did I feel sure—as no doubt you will guess— That I read your epistle with pleasure and pride : Why, yes, I recall it : you'd got in a mess In a Dive—I assumed you had drunk to excess— I was sorry to hear you'd lost one of your setters,
Though your wife's death occasioned me little distress But you mustn't expect me to answer your letters.
As for you, Mr. Snip, you've a very thick hide,
And are utterly blind to the claims of noblesse.
Were you not you would know that I'm hopelessly tied :
Can't you see, you dam fool, that a fellow must dress?
It's grossly uncivil thus often to press, You ought to be proud that I'm one of your debtors : I may settle at last if it comes to duress, But you mustn't expect me to answer your letters.
Exvor.
No man ever loved you as I do, Princess, I'm an absolute slave and rejoice in my fetters : Take my heart and my hand and my fortune, sweet Bess, But you mustn't expect me to answer your letters.
J. C. SQUIRE.
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