COMPETITION

Occasional verse

Jaspistos

In Competition No. 1582 you were in- vited to react poetically to the knighting of Ronald Reagan by the Queen.

Proving how far-flung and distinguished our readership is, an entry arrived from Chicago by Joseph A. Morris, who served Mr Reagan as the Assistant Attorney General in charge of the Justice Depart- ment's international affairs. Thank you, sir. I haven't been so honoured since Lord Hailsham had a go. Among others who pleased were Paul Griffin, D. A. Prince, Lene W. Bellgirl, David Heaton and Mary Holtby, who, beginning with the question: `0 what can ail thee, Knight . . . ?' ended with the answer: All eager once to be installed,

My swordless shoulder bears its chip: I'm not Sir Ron, nor Nancy called `Your Ladyship'!

I also enjoyed Phyllis Fountain's stanza from the royal point of view: The occasion will pass, as occasions do. I wonder who'll win the three-thirty. But Ronald is charming, His smile quite disarming.

I think I'll back Bandoleer Bertie.

The winners below get £14 each, except for the quatrain-producers who get £5. The bonus bottle of Lamberhurst 1986 Seyval Blanc Dry English Wine, presented by Stephen Skelton of Lamberhurst Vineyards, goes to C. L. McChesney, who trod nicely in the steps of the bard of Dundee.

It was in the year of nineteen eighty-nine (And the finest summer we'd had for a very long time)

When our Good Queen Elizabeth the Second, Whom God had blessed and made supremely fecund, Met with the President of the United States, Or rather the ex-President for all the difference that makes. And she had heard of him by reputation,

Of how he was much admired in his great Nation And how he was loved by our own Margaret Thatcher,

For in his political views he was able to match her.

Our Great Queen ordained it would be right good To ennoble this American with a Knighthood. And so he knelt and on his neck was laid

The Sword of State, and thus was Sir Ronald

made. has Much honour to her who over us h reigned, For this way will the Colony be regained. (C. L. McChesney) The aged statesman knelt with rheumy eyes, Seeing the monarch through a reverent haze. Then, as he heard the magic word, 'Arise!' His past career unrolled before his gaze. He saw the darkened bedroom, heard the loud, Laborious breathing of his dying dad: `Whatever happens, son, I'm goldarned proud.' Or was that in the one with Alan Ladd?

He saw again the jungle, dank and green; The slit-eyed native with a fiendish grin; The flashing blade, the empty magazine . . . Or was that in the one with Errol Flynn?

He shook himself. No, this role was for keeps: The Great World Peacemaker, who now made merry With former Evil-Empire-ruling creeps.

Or was that in the one with Tom and Jerry?

(Noel Petty) In days of old when Knights were bold They all had splendid horses, And east and west they rode with zest To combat Evil's forces; But lesser days have lesser ways And chivalry's new suitors Get royal whacks for selling macs Or minimised computers.

So let us cheer, Sir Ron is here — A true old-fashioned hero, With courage bold and heart of gold And understanding zero.

He laboured long to aid the strong

And give the weak a hiding; But let's not moan, for all must own He looks the part when riding. (June F. Langfield)

Awash with transatlantic fame The great Communicator came, In unaccustomed 'fig' arrayed, To bag the final accolade.

Before a scion of the court " His rebel forebears grimly fought,

He knelt — 0 Washington, despair! Abraham Lincoln, tear your hair!

The royal sword descended on The shoulder of plebeian Ron, Who more or less ennobled rose, A proud euphoric 'one of those', And from the regal presence went, No more a former president, But Mitty-like, with clinking spur And fresh ideals, a shining Sir.

(Philip A. Nicholson) The place, Buck House; the characters, the Queen And Ronald Reagan, film-star President: Their brief encounter must indeed have been Historic, so tell you how it went.

Scene One, the portico, where he alights And Warmly clasps a humble footman's hand; He's unaccustomed to such regal heights And protocol is hard to understand.

Scene Two, a room where on a silver tray Coffee awaits the Queen's distinguished guest: `Do you prefer', he asks her, 'Nescafe Or Maxwell House, which Nancy thinks is best?'

Later — 'There's one more question that I feel You may consider to be indiscreet, But when I'm dubbed a saint, do I just kneel, Or should I kiss Your Holiness's feet?'

(Peter Hadley) Accept this British compliment - Arise, Sir Yankee Doodle!

And be assured our Government Remains a Yankee poodle. (A. D. Gibbons) Arise, Sir Ron, you're now a Knight!

Dear Nancy must be chuffed; Though shining knights no longer fight, She'll keep your armour huffed. (Ron. Rubin)