Report of the Competition
IN our last competition we asked for paragraphs of not more than a hundred and fifty words on any subject, in which were to be hidden names of recognized motor car makes. The prize was to be given for the paragraph in which appeared the largest number of motor car makes. But the paragraph was to make intelligent reading. One valiant Contributor succeeded in hiding the names of no less than eighty motor cars in the hundred and fifty words. It was a prodigious effort, but alas ! the paragraph was quite unin- telligible. Another contributor succeeded in hiding the names of seventy-two cars, but he succeeded also in hiding whatever meaning the paragraph may have intended to have. Many entries start promisingly, with easily understandable sentences, hiding the names of correctly spelt motor car makes : soon, however, they seem to peter out into motor car makes plus nonsense. It must have been extraordinarily difficult to sustain the standard set in the first few sentences.
The number of motor car makes mentioned in the para- graphs ranged from twenty-two to eighty. Although natur- ally enough the paragraphs in which the smaller number of cars were hidden made the most intelligent reading, it would not be fair to award the prize to one of the less courage- ous competitors. We have decided, therefore, that the prize of five guineas shall be awarded to Mr. G. B. Macaulay, who has succeeded in writing an amusing, comparatively intelligent, and complete paragraph (in the journalistic sense). This competition has not given much opportunity for literary distinction of style or for a closely worded argument. The merit of the winning entry lies in its strict adherence to the rules of the competition (although some people may question, though we think without justification, that it makes intelligent. reading), and in the skill, imagination and originality with which the author has concealed his fifty-seven motor car makes, shown in italics.
At Skinner's Kinema in Alberta last April, eyes watched the band- stand ardently. Strumming on a pierrot's banjo, wetted with beer, stood a jovial visitor, the autocratic, imperial Duchess. Exhaustingly her grace describes in German disasters dodged by Serbian children at a ball—otherwise " hop "—in Sofia. Then a tremor rises when rough, ill-mannered major dancing triumphantly on a mat, (his thumb erected towards a miner vainly endeavouring for diversion to japan hard, metal bottles and a vulcanite flagon) daringly thuds on a disc, level and made, so to speak, like a drab cedar racquet ; then swiftly starts carolling a yodel, a genuine psalm, songs, etc. This stuff rankling, patrons foam, gnash, gibe and shout ` Cad, ill-accredited bug ' at times " Cub." It turns out that they, imposed on, nettled, and saying commerce destroyed their overdue slumber, tie today all in Colney Hatch, their hOspitat and last eyrie.—GEORGE B. MAC- AULAY, Free Manse, Strathy, Thurso, N.B.
Here are three other amusing entries worth quoting.
On a pier, oblivious of winds or raimrstrolls a handsome Irish mass- euse, a bo'sun beaming beside her, wearing smart inimitable raffia trousers, a needless expense for an impecunious tar possessing no means. Adjusting new eyeglasses, with an ashen face ; he sobsaloud "I won't rile you ; be my chum Beryl." Swiftly she retorts, " Don't be a noodle ; you cub, it tires me ; moreover it alarms me," and, a taunt on her lips, she dodges off triumphantly with a masterful drover who owned a rabbit farm and made lager beers in Germany. What a climax! "Well, it won't hurt us," said the bo'sun. "I can kiss Ellen, a Scotch lassie, not prim or serious, but provokingly sentimental, bother her ; we will elope lovingly, and honeymoon across ley and hill many miles." What fun it was, the' rather exhausting : they walked :fill day steadily, and arrived home gasping hungrily for dinner.—Miss J. CARMICHAEL, Chaseley Road, Rugelly, Stafford.
" Fire ! I am gradually suffocating ! " shrieked Blanche, daughter of Albert Straker, squire of a Lincolnshire village near the Humber. In a span hardy youths began rallying from farm and cottage, crying " Excelsior ! " Willy Hudson, a genial visaged Marlborough master, braved the flames, reached Blanche's window, and drew her over -the sill. Amid breathless excitement, and cries of " Capita/ ! " both descended triumphantly, though Willy, trying to dodge molten ashes, missed the mat his friend Sam (organizing pro below) proffered, and landed on nettles. Clouds rolling over t e moon afforded hopes—swiftly realized—of hail or rain extinguishing the fire—averting further disaster. Blanche's terrible injuries could now be analysed, and her skin enveloped in surgical cotton-wool, .pending hospital attentions. Eric Campbell, a cad ill accounted of, Admitted starting the holocaust in fun, Puerile youth ! 'knightly feat earned a flagon daintily inscribed, also a bride, so to- night's " Standard " announces !—Miss W. F. WOODHOUSE, 5 -Littledown Road, Bournemouth.
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Anxious to be an expert golfer, I climbed the hill manfully, normal :vision, arm strong, my model a gentleman who golfs in Germany I -With dilated nostril eyes fixed, thumb erect, taking my stand ardently :hoping for distinction, I drove recklessly and hit a lamb savagely. Its tender akin excruciatingly painful, it ran swiftly across Leyburn Mew over land easy of access—extensive open fields. A miner vagrant pocketed my ball. Whether to scream or risk (if I at. tempted to follow) a stern chase, I couldn't decide, so, to my dismay, the miner vanished. Driving again, my obvious target flag on daisied turf, I at once struck .a pan hard. This pan once was Ben Zakkai's. Rather than be angry and exhaust in fruitless exertion myself, I returned for dinner, said grace despondently, sharing Columbian chi- cken or tongue and a capital bottle of ordinaire with a casual visitor, Ena uttimatelytriumphed.—Cmuums R. A. HOWDEN, Mayne, Elgin.
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The following entry by presumably an aesthete is very good, but it is disqualified as a possible prize-winner because many of the hidden names of the motor car makes overlap.
Let me at Whit8un be among those for delightful places bent—. ley!, panoramic displays, tall woods. Shall I ride so to the coast ? Erratic winds or hail or rain each Spring there soak landwards, and mists of darkish umber lie to mar sea look-outs; and breed remorseful mooning. Let me dodge across lays or over land. The mascot (a flagon) dangling, my car starts, thuds on triumphant, climbs away up- hill manfully, vital and fast and ardent, its clamor rising erelong to a deadened treacly noise ; less exhausting now in this model age to move swiftly, a pace designed to enthrall you. As you run, I can prescribe an ideal mit. Trolling psalms once, I ran over to see a classical cott- age, low of lintel, perched on nettles, in golden fields. If I attract anyone, let him go too, taking leave unashamed of rankling quart- ers, kinema—this limbo of drab colour.—Miss E. H. Foss, Chilcomb Lodge, Winchester.
Colonel C. Otley Place is to be congratulated on his verse, heroically written in an heroic manner, but alas ! it is not a paragraph !
If I attest and ardently avow " To half a Rome or less extendeth now." " The Papal Vista." Why should it alarm, Or should a stern Sectarianism arm Only from dread on nett results to see A holocaust in other creeds ? T'would be An humbug attitude so to presage. • The aftermath is not an infidel age Minerva's- triumphs over land and sea Brooklet and hill-nian now successfully Has ended. Ionic Pan hardly is found,
And Commerce desecrates his grove renowned.
No flagon dainty, crystal bottle or Swift martial psalms on hate are versed to Thor.
Clerical Cottas oust the halbert lance
And pike in each arrondissement of France.
Whereas in Germany King Wenceslas Allegiance over Trojan Goddess has, And ever, while a franc is in his pack
Ardent Pilgrim gives to Church's lack.
L'envoi, since I must conclude
"As Clearer skin.entails a herbal lotion."
" So human progress tarries for devotion." -
Colonel C. OTLEY PLACE, Huish House, Winterbome Zelatone,
Blandford, Dorset. •
Our readers will understand that the Editor cannot enter into any correspondence with competitors.