Unlettered
A reader received this letter: My Dear Friend!
So you've booked tickets for my con- certs! They'll be the classiest events of my anniversary year. Frankly I can't wait to hear all those clever people play my music. Their playing might even persuade me to stay and listen to tipsy old Michael Haydn, Schobert [sic] and even John Woolrich (whoever he may be!) However, Mr David Smith, one of the gentlemen at the Box Office, has told me that its now time for you to pay for your tickets. He asked me to per- suade you to send payment to him as soon as you can — and believe me, I know what its [sic] like when money doesn't arrive when promised! In fact, if he doesn't receive it by Tuesday 11 June, he will have to pass the tickets on to all those other people dying to get to my concerts. It would be such a shame if you missed out — I wouldn't miss it for the world!
See you there!
Addio Your faithful friend
The South Bank Centre
If you have an example of a crass, illiterate, ignorant, irrelevant or embar- rassing letter or notice from a company or public body, send a copy to: Unlet- tered, The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL. £.10 for each one printed.
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