"Spectator" Competitions

RULES AND CONDITIONS

Ezdries must be typed or very clearly written on one side of the paper only. The name and address, or pseudonym, of the competitor must be on each entry and not on a separate sheet. When a word limit is set words must be counted and the number given. No entries can be returned. Prizes may be divided at the discretion of the judge, or withheld if no entry reaches the required standard. The judge reserves the right to print or quote from any entry. The judge's decision is final, and no correspondence can be entered IMO on the subject of the award. Entries must be addressed to :—The Editor, the Spreader, 99 Dower Street,

London, W.C. 1, and he marked on the envelope Competition No. (--).

•

Competition No. 53 (Sr BY A PRIZE of £2 2s. is offered for the best sonnet beginning " When I consider how my days were spent," attributed to either a bookmaker, a gossip-writer, a beauty specialist, or a jockey.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, April 18th, 1932. • The result of this -competition will appear in our issue of April- 30th, 1932, Competition No. 54 (SET BY " DCGLI.") IT has been suggested that the language of Shakespeare nitty have to be translated into modern English if it is to be understood by the young theatregoers of the present day. A Mize of £2 2s. is offered for a rendering in modern stage dialogue of Act II., Scene 2 of Romeo and Juliet. Long speeches are out of fashion on the stage to-day, and the whole scene should be cut to not more than 1,000 words, including stage directions.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, April 25th, 1932. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of May 7th, 1932.

- The result of Competition No. • 52 will appear- in our Dear Critic, can it really be

he'd issue. That criticizing (for a fee)

Limerick Competition No. 24 Parnassian in a mortal round' A PRIZE of tl. Is. is offered each week for . a new and Is ever present in your prose, original English Limerick verse on some subject dealt And valid as a mere excuse with in the current number of the Spectator. The When faced with the absurd abuse

twenty-fourth of these competitions closes on Monday, Resents the work of men like you.

April 25th, 1932. Entries should be marked " Limerick For every writer likes to think No. 24."mat. when ho spills his precious ink

. . The result of the twenty-second of these competitions No matter though you may despise will be announced in our next issue. His morals, yet you'll criticize - - - [It - is requested that, to facilitate the work of the Refrain from shrieking through a hat judges, entries should, when possible, be submitted on Wild eensurings of that or this postcards.] Because it hurts a prejudice.

Report of Competition No. 5 1 And guards it in a belfry where (REPORT AND AWARD BY " CARD.") And gains, in time, proportions that A PRIZE of 3:72 2s. was offered for the best open letter to a (Of counts, should you prefer a hoo reviewer, of not more than 250 words. And bonnet, it's all one with me). Arrayed, for the occasion, in the mantle of the critic instead In circumstances such as these, of in the IDOFC familiar robes of the Creator, competitors Being obsessed with hats or bees, sounded every note in the scale of judgement, front mild and 'Tis little wonder that the strain

acquiescent counsel to unfettered (and unlettered) scorn.

Some attached themselves specifically to particular reviewers, Called writers is too much for you. others attacked or admonished collectively the species. One, Quite useless is it., as you are, with more passion than logic, denounced a writer, perusal To hitch your waggon to some star. of whose widely-read superlatives has added buoyancy to And dazzled by too brilliant thoughts many a Sunday morning, as "an inveterate, irremediable Achieve a style of sounding noughts : punster : who, for all that he has nothing to say, says it Nay, rather, if you wish to stray loudly and at length every week in the hysterical COIUMIIS of New meteor in the Milky Way— the ." A sense of discretion on our part demands sup- Please, Critic, let your hat succumb, pression of our competitor's final trisyllable. "What,' And critieize by rule of thumb. demanded another competitor, "constitutes your claim to be considered as a fit person to be entrusted with the criticism of your contemporaries ? " " Do you not feel ashamed," Result of Limerick Competition No. 21 questioned a third, " when you see your misplaced encomia

blazoned forth on the publisher's hustings, and yo reflect (RErowr BY " CAUD

Finally, to get back to the matter in hand, entries—although THE WINNING ENTRY. numerous—were in the main undistinguished either for DISFIGURING LONDON (page 447) humour or suggestiveness. The reviewer s, we deduce, is a Park Lane's become " flatly " o'er-ridden. More sky-scrapers should be forbidden. serious but tedious. lot. If they further impinge

The prize is divided between " Omaha " and J. J. Doyle.

The entries of T. E. Casson,• " Halj," • and " Hibiscus " are Hyde Park will be .known as "Park Hidden."

commended– – LIEET,COL. F. A. GODDARD. • is but a dull and thankless job

- Performed to earn the meagre " huh,'

Or cultivate the shyer pound--

Yes. Some such motive, I Suppose.,

Poured forth by any writer who His manuscripts ; and after that sine every critic, it appears, Nurses at least one hat for years II shrives beneath warm sheltering hair,

4Yount Dranula might boggle at.

of judging with unbiassed brain

'rhe work of that inferior crew

J. d. DoYi.E.

u .") awarded to Lieut.-Col. F. A. Goddard, 45 Warwick Rd., S.W.5.

On its Mayfairy fringe, THE WINNING ENTRIES.

OPEN LETTER TO A REVIXWER.

Dear Sir,—Receiving this letter from an unknown correspondent, you will probably take it for a begging letter ' • but be not afraid, I know how wretchedly reviewing is paid. Besides, who would dare beg of so warm-hearted a man ? Often, sir, I have thought. that you must find life overwhelming in its generosity, for I picture you as coining down to breakfast and exclaiming at the eggs, "1 have never seen such superb eggs ! Their texture, their nourishing value, their colour I Not since the days of Noah have we had such magnificent eggs !" And then I picture you as hurrying off to Roget's Thesaurus, turning to the well-thumbed page that gives

superlatives, and proceeding with exclamatory verve throughout.

Iio dy.

Your generosity is open ; but there is one aspect of it that is un- welcome. Glad as we are to meet a friend at lunch, we may not wish to see him at breakfast the next morning. And so, sir, with you. Having read your ecstatic burblings in one paper. I find you repeating them, still con brio, in another. This plurality is dis-

tasteful ; it smacks of polygamy. • • This started by the disclaimer that it was not a begging letter, yet that is hardly true. I end it by begging you, sir, to prune your exuberance, and purge your soul of its hankering for masterpieces. And if you must review, I beg you not to choose chiefly your friends'

books.--Yours truthfully, OMAHA.

AN OPEN LETTER TO A REVIEWER (here named, pethaps indefensibly, critic—for obvious metrical eonvistience.)