16 APRIL 1994, Page 38

Green Vicar

The vicar gave us a new commandment About low energy ligth bulbs, global Warming, etc. He took as gospel The very Old pre-Christian Testament, A bad move, always to the detriment Of the appellant, and preached of a world Worth saving more than souls. A flame unfurled Beneath the pulpit, flourished, heaven sent, And set him alight. He screamed fit to burst, And died. Tragic, of course, but not the first Splendid example of divine judgement. Dammit, he must have known that when the Earth Burns, as it will, a green Church won't be worth As much as a thermal vest. Sony, vestment.

Sam Gardiner