Television
Keeping out of trouble
Wendy Cope
It's a quiet time of year, a good oppor- tunity to stay home, do some work and avoid fattening food and drink. Dylan Thomas said that no one can write poetry for more than a few hours a day and that's why poets spend the rest of their time getting into trouble. In the dead of winter, television is quite an attractive alternative to trouble. I feel as if I've watched lots of it in the past seven days, though my idea of 'lots' adds up to about a third of the 27 hours that, according to a new Govern- ment report, the average citizen sees in a week.
Although I enjoyed the first episode of The Contract (ITV), I was in two minds about watching the rest. The British agent had gone off to East Germany to fetch the professor. Either he would get him out safely or he wouldn't. There were no mysteries to unravel, no moles to unmask. But I stayed with it and found the story of the attempt to cross the frontier quite gripping enough to sustain my interest for another two hours. In fact the last 15 minutes were so exciting that I could hardly watch at all, managing only to peep at the screen intermittently. At times like this I hear my grandmother's voice saying, 'It's all right. It's only actors pretending', but that doesn't make much difference. Suspension of disbelief is a curious phe- nomenon.
If The Contract had lasted more than three hours, I might not have risked watching it in the first place. The new series of Floodtide (ITV) is in six parts, with a week to wait between episodes. Having avoided the first instalment, I am probably safe. Tales of the Unexpected (ITV) offers a better deal, in that you get the whole story in less than half an hour. The opener to the current series was based on 'The Colonel's Lady' by Somerset Maugham, updated to the 1980s and including a nice plug for the Literary Review. The lady in question is the author of a book of poems. On first seeing this volume, her husband, beautifully play- ed by Joss Ackland, says, 'It's a bit thin. Not much work in it, I suppose.' When he opens it, he comments, `Ah, poetry. Not much in my line, poetry.' He goes on to offer the opinion that it doesn't look like poetry because it is all chopped up and it doesn't rhyme. Then he recites 'The boy stood on the burning deck' to show her what his idea of a poem is. I knew she wasn't going to murder him because that wouldn't have been unexpected.
The husband of the central character in Campaign (BBC 2) has left home because he feels he counts for less than his wife's career in advertising. She certainly has to rush around a lot, and so do all her colleagues. Everyone was under so much pressure that the programme gave me a headache. It isn't yet clear why this woman is willing to sacrifice her family life for something as pointless as a career in advertising. Perhaps it is the money. If I were her, I'd sell the big house and get an easier job. For those who like glossy rubbish, Campaign is worth a try, but the really good news is that LA Law (ITV) is back this Thursday.
Two changes in the advertised schedules brought welcome opportunities. The screening on BBC 2 of the 40 Minutes film 'Convictions' had to be postponed at the last minute. It was replaced by a repeat of 'The Fishing Party', Paul Watson's award- winning documentary about upper-class twits, one of whom utters the immortal line, 'Dogs are more bloody useful than women.' And Friday's showing of Brief Encounter (BBC 2), as a tribute to Trevor Howard, gave me the chance to make a copy to keep. It's interesting to note that at the time it was made, in 1945, a brandy cost 10d, or 4.16 new pence, if my calcula- tions are correct. Whenever I see this film, I feel as if I could do with a brandy, as well as several clean handkerchiefs. Those actors, they pretended so well.
The hot seat
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