16 JULY 1983, Page 30

High life

Heart-throb

Taki

ancient Greeks — despite their infinite wisdom — did not invent, for obvious reasons. For those of you who failed your Greek, it means undressing a woman with one's eyes, or getting one's kicks while watching a beautiful girl tanning herself on the beach. I made the word up as I write this in order to describe my frustration as I watch some of the most beautiful girls in the world invade this village reserved for the rich and the upwardly mobile. Although I am not enamoured of American females their physical attributes are enough to make ofthalmopornia my favourite pastime as soon as the hot weather sets in. Perhaps I am get- ting old but never before have I seen lovelier women. Americans like to let it all hang out and never more so than this year. Where once upon a time it was the ugly hippies that kept undressing (that is the reason why so many people became homosexuals) now it is the beautiful ones who are doing so. It is extremely disturbing and enough to make me give thanks that the old libido ain't what it used to be. Just imagine the torture of be- ing 18 and seeing these heavenly creatures walking around in a state of undress that would have landed them in jail for indecent exposure in my day. But today's youth seems to be able to cope. Perhaps they're not as red-blooded, or they're spoiled.

The onset of summer has always been ter- rible for me, but the last four have been worse than usual. Since 1979 I've fallen in love with a different English girl each year, and 1983 is no exception. So, between drooling over half-dressed American girls, and pining for a girl from England, my life turns into a nightmare during the time of year that sees even trade union leaders stop scowling and begin to act almost human. But there are some compensations. Like my new house. It is chintzy, cosy and has a Jewish swimming pool and tennis court; and five acres of lawn that is not Jewish. (In case anyone gets the wrong idea let me ex- plain. There are no poor Jews in Southamp- ton, thus the reference to court and pool, but there are some Jewish residents who tend to turn their lawns into con- dominiums.) I have just spent ten days swimming, playing tennis, and getting reasonably wrecked in anticipation of the rigours that lie ahead of me in London, starting on 14 July. Amusement has been provided by the old guard in Southampton, which is up in arms over the discovery of a mole. The mole, it seems, gave away classified information to a journalist by the name of Marie Brenner, of New York

magazine, a periodical that is read by everyone but whose upper-class readers would rather be struck off the social register than admit to buying it or even reading it outside the dentist's office. In brief, the article said that there is fear and loathing in Southampton as the old money, the new money, the dwindled for- tunes, and the fake ones vie with each other In desperate attempts to take over each others' turf.

Rumour has it that my old friend Michael Thomas, a member of the old guard, Spilled the beans because he was dis- gruntled with his life. To tell the truth I am not so sure. To be even more truthful, I don't care. Southampton is one of the few Places I have found not to be a microcosm of New York and LA society — i.e. there is no cut-throat competition and clubs are open to people who are genial and polite rather than because their religion is the right one. Both William Paley and Felix Rohatyn are members of clubs which they could never aspire to if the were located in the city, and It isn't unusual for even Greeks to be allow- ed to join. Proof enough where I am con- cerned that this is a nice friendly place to spend a quiet time with one's children.

But back to ofthalmopornia and the state of euphoria I find myself in this July. Psychologists say that love is extremely beneficial for the body. The pulse rate doubles, blood pressure rises, body temperature goes up, blood sugar increases, gastric juices are slowed down and the Spleen contracts. So who needs exercise? Or a healthy lifestyle. If it wasn't for the last four Julys, my doctor tells me, I would have been dead long ago.