YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. In my work as a television journalist, I often interview eminent or well-known peo- ple. Occasionally, circumstances dictate that these interviews have to be done stand- ing up. I am 6' 8" tall. Any interviewee who stands under 5' 10" therefore appears to be looking at the ceiling as he or she answers my questions. My editor complains that this is 'bad television'. I have considered asking interviewees to stand on a box, but this seems so insulting. I have tried crouching down to take a few inches off my height, but after a minute or so this becomes extremely painful and I start to shake uncontrollably. Can you suggest how I might bring these diminutive but important people up to my level without causing offence to them or pain to myself?
B.T-D., London E2 A. Alan Ladd, who was one of the very first Short film stars to prevail on our screens, demanded that his co-stars should stand in a hole especially dug for the purpose. By the same token, could you not excavate a per- manent pit for yourself outside the Houses of Parliament in which you could stand While conducting your interviews? Alterna- tively, your producer could arrange for a wedge-shaped block of wood to be provided for the purpose. This would be slightly less insulting than a box, provided you stood at the 'thin end of the wedge' yourself.
Q. Last September, while staying in a house-party in Scotland, I beamed into my answerphone and collected a message from a friend of a friend. This woman, X, was enquiring about suitable hotels in the area in which she had heard I was holidaying. One thing led to another and my magnani- mous host ended by extending his own hos- pitality for two days and two nights to X and her husband, despite having never met them. I am now very shocked to find out that he did not receive a word of thanks from either of them nor any other kind of communication. How can I punish them or at least make them feel guilty about their oversight? I feel that I am stigmatised by association, but perhaps it is now accept- able not to write and thank for the most generous hospitality. Is it, Mary?
LB., Glos A. No, it is not acceptable. There is always the option of forging thank-you letters from embarrassing friends but I think that in this case the couple should be punished for their laziness. Enlist the help of a third party — possibly the person who introduced you in the first place. This person should ring up and say to X, 'I know this is ridiculous but I've completely lost Simon MacScotty's full address. Can you give it to me because you must have written to thank him for that amazing hospitality he gave you in Septem- ber?' When X replies that she hasn't got the address and, indeed, that she hasn't written, the third party can whistle in amazement. 'You didn't write? Wow! Gosh! That's a first! Oh my goodness, that's making my hair stand on end with embarrassment! Lis- ten, don't worry . . . I'll get the address from someone else and I'll ring back and give it to you. Better late than never, what?'
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