Westminster corridors
Monday, the fifth day of May
'Tis being shouted abroad that Master T. Benn, having placed himself at the head of a Mob of Fanaticks, Know-Nothings, Footpads, Traitors in the pay of Muscovy, and Ruffians of every description, will shortly seize Power after the French fashion, put to the sword all Ladies and Gentlemen of Quality, set in the train the Dissolution of our Industries, make to cease forthwith all social and commercial intercourse with our European neighbours, and rule thereafter as sole Tyrant.
Tuesday, the sixth day of May
It hath become yet more plain that Usurers in various parts of the Globe would rather be in receipt of glass beads than of our Nation's notes and coins. For, 'tis believed that they are no safer than the Bank of England. Which Intelligence having been spread through the Town, all the Factions wonder if the great Oeconomical Upheaval, that is surely coming, will give birth to a great Political Upheaval in ' its stead, in particular to a Re-arrangement of the Factions in a New Administration of all the Talents, viz, all the Statesmen who have ruled us so wisely and with such Fair Fortune these past twenty years.
Wednesday, the seventh day of May Certain Tories, who had better have turnips than heads, have this day made publick demand for their Party to be partner with the Moderate Levellers against the Fanaticks and Master T. Benn. Yet will Mistress Thatcher, talking in confidence to her Intimates, have none of this. Nor will she endure talk of Coalition. For that Lady knows full well that Master Wilson's Administration mUst soon be afflicted by Oeconomical Distress of great Severity, principally a vast Increase of Prices, more Idleness among Artisans, and in consequence less Revenue for the Charitable Projects of Ministers.
Thursday, the eighth day of May
In a thunderous oration, bearing all the marks of Master Rees-Mogg's own hand, viz, the employment of wild and extravagant metaphor, the Times journal hath this day chronicled thirteen Facts of our Crisis, as for instance that the Administration hath spendthrift intentions to strew abroad £9,000 million more than it hath levied in taxation, and that there are but a handful of Liberals in our Parliament with little likelihood of more in future. For Master Rees-Mogg hath always been inclined to detect Crisis as much in the Frustration of his Private Hopes as in the Ruin of the Currency. Nor is his prospectus for the salvation of Albion altogether free from that flaw. To achieve an Administration cleansed of the Vices of Extravagance and Immoderation, he would construct one about the noble figures of Master Crosland (who now takes £3,500 million a year from the taxpayer to give £4 a week to the Tenants of publick housing, be they rich or poor), Mistress Williams (who takes £1,000 million a year from the taxpayer to distribute to those who eat, be they rich or poor), and Master D. Healey (who takes from the taxpayers, be they rich or poor, and gives to those enrolled in Workmen's Combinations, who are rich). Saturday, the tenth day of May It being the customary day for publick orations, Master D. Healey distressed an audience of Fanaticks by his Assertion that it profits none, least of all the taxpayer, to pour subsidies into companies that manufacture stage-coaches, also that a penny saved is a penny earned, that the man who watches the clock will always be one of the hands, and more in like vein that he had gleaned from the pages of the Daily Telegraph. By strange Coincidence, Master N. Atkinson and Master S. Bidwell, two amongst our leading Fanaticks, were themselves asserting that the Artisan Party was established for the purpose of assisting men to manufacture stage-coaches, not to worship the blind forces. of the market.
Sunday, the eleventh day of May Master H. Wilson hath this day appeared before the publick gaze that he might restore the confidence of Tradesmen at home and abroad and put to flight the rumour that he was kept in chains by Master T. Berm and the Fanaticks. In his agile Manner as of old, Master Wilson declared that the Crisis was indeed grave, and yet also much exaggerated by the hostile Hacks of the Tory Press; that the Artisan Party had ever been a forum for Robust Contention, yet that it would shortly abide by his Decisions without complaint; and that he had been inspired by a fresh Idea that would surely solve our Oeconomical Problems, namely that Workmen's Wages should be determined by a Great Confabulation of Combinations, Statesmen, Tradesmen, et al, by Agreement and without Compulsion, to the Satisfaction of all. Master Wilson hath demonstrated that he is in charge of the Administration. Whether this will restore confidence is, however, another matter.
Tom Puzzle
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