Your Problems Solved
Dear Maly Q. A dinner-party guest rang me three hours before the dinner for ten I was giving as a thank-you to her and her husband to say that as soon as she arrived at my flat, at 8.30, she would have to use my computer to bid for some curtains on eBay. How should I have dissuaded her, Mary?
E.S.W., London W11 A. You could have insisted on sparing her the nuisance of having to undertake this chore. 'I'll get a friend's au pair to come round and sit at the screen for you,' you could have cooed maternally. 'She won't charge more than about £20, but it would be well worth it rather than your having to disrupt the dinner-party and not be able to enjoy it worrying about the nine people waiting for you to come back to join them.' You would leave open the matter of who was to pay the au pair's fee. These tactics would have brought your guest swiftly to her senses.
Q. When people leave 'floral tributes' by the roadside in the event of tragic accidents I always feel it is such a shame to see the heap of dying flowers mounting up, not in water, but still claustrophobically enclosed within cellophane and knowing that the council will eventually be unable to even recycle them as compost. Should I be required to pay such a tribute myself, at any stage, would it be all right to buy the flowers but just leave the cellophane at the roadside while taking the flowers home to serve a more uplifting function in gladdening the kitchen table of my own cottage?
G.W., Timbersbrook, near Congleton A. A quirky gesture of this nature might be misconstrued. If you did want to take part in a Diana-type tribute of the sort which causes other motorists to lose concentration and have accidents themselves, why not spearhead a new fashion by leaving artificial flowers at the site of the tragedy?
Q. May I pass on a tip to readers? I recently helped a friend organise a large drinks party in London. She lives in London, I live in Wiltshire. Canapes for a drinks party in London cost £25 a head but in Wiltshire they are £10 a head. I rang up a local friend of mine who was only too happy to get the business. She is going for volume rather than turnover — and did not even whack on travel expenses for driving up to London to do it. So my advice, if I may be so bold as to intrude on your space — don't bankrupt yourself with paying fancy London prices when it's not necessary. Look in the Home Counties for your London party caterers.
S.S., Manton, Wilts A. On the contrary your input is welcome. You are quite right. There are plenty of supercompetent Sloanes in the Home Counties who are well up to the type of work you mention and will not need to charge 'funny money' prices, although some will want to recoup their travel costs.
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