Postman's Knock

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 450: Report by James S. Fidgen Regional stamps have recently been issued for use in Scotland. Wales, Northern Ireland, the Isle of Man and the Channel Islands—but none for use in Engl(nd. The usual prize of six guineas was offered for a nationalist protest. h is quite clear lo me now why there have been no special regional stamps for England. The English, as a race, feel that they are something of a special issue themselves. As Helen Tower put it : 'I suspect the English will raise a protest against the suggestion of English nationalism. It is an insult to their superiority.' She was right. They have to be different. That is why they are quite happy to make do with the general issue available anywhere in the British Isles (that is if they ever give a thought to the matter at all), just as they have neglected to print the name of the country 01 origin on their stamps. Well, anyhow, why shoteid we English not be different? Isn't imitation the sincerest form of philately?

This being the case, the protests were quite mild, MI the only really irate entries came from Scot- land, Ireland and Wales. Many tried the oblique approach. Thus J. A. Lindon argued from the philatelist's point of view that he would be satis- fied with a few stamps minus their perforations. Russell Edwards pointed out that :

Collectors down in Cardiff Can get bigger sets by far, Philately is hard if You reside in Potters Bar, Cockatoo reckoned that the Communists were behind the whole thing. She can hardly be aware that the Russians have brought out several stamps

Portraying Fieldi and Harve (not to mention Burns and Shaw). ng Another bizarre suggestion was that our stamps should have an English-flavoured gum! (I wonder what flavour, Humbug?) Sorting out the winners was no easy task as the standard was surprisingly level. Just beaten at the Post were Nancy Gunter, W. G. Daish, E. C. Jenkins, and Roll. H. B. McCaskic's 'Protest Against a Protest' was excellent but did not really k, eeP to the terms of the competition. I suggest imio guineas for R. A. McKenzie (despite his un- Sassenach-like name) and one guinea each for Gloria Prince, Allan M. Laing, H. Hardman, and Clip Prestige (the best of the few prose entries).

PRIZES

(R. A, MCKENZIE)

The Scots have got their Thistle and its Order and the Border, They whisky-wet their whistle and can sing like Harry Lauder; The Welsh have got their Prince of Wales, and he has got his Feather: But what have we in England got? We've only got the weather!

The men of Man have many cats, who mew a lack of rudders; The Jersey men have Jersey cows with unbejerseyed udders; The Irish have their Bloody Hand—I can't abide such blether; For what have we in England got? We've only got the

weather! •

Why can't we stick it on a stamp and lick it alto- gether. This groggy boggy soggy foggy smoggy English weather?

(GLORIA PRINCE) H INDIGNATION

Wot, hain't we got no 'eroes not nuffink?

Hain't we crossed the Soul Pole or dumb up a

Nigh mountin 'ail dead?

Wot, not even a tea-rose nor nuffink?

To celebrate our English cuppa?—

. Jes' the Queen's 'ead?

Wot, no H-bomb in gaiters nor nuffink? An' on the gummy side a Yankee's bottom? Hor ras'b'ry jam instead? Wot, no good nigger-'aters nor nuffink (Guv'ment secretly glad we got 'em)?— Jes' the Queen's 'cad?

•

(ALLAN M. LAING) ENGLAND:' ARISE!

Men of England, deep in slumber, Care ye naught to lose your rights? Neighbour nations, five in number, Reap the harvest of your fights.

Thistles. leeks and shainrocks burgeon On our stamps while ye repose : Claims ye have yet do not urge on, Droops forgot the English rose. Men of England. leave your languor, Lick no stamps.while England's banned: Unstamped missives, penned in anger, , Post to make your stern demand!

(COLIN PRESTIGE)

To THE EDITOR OF The Times SIR.—We. the Executive Committee of the National Society for the Restoration of England to Greatness, hereby write to record our formal protest that England is not to have regional postage revenue stamps. Our 20.000 paid-up membership, which com- prises a complete cross-section of English society, in- cluding housewives, ratepayers. authors, life peers, schoolmasters and municipal employees, have empowered us (by Extraordinary Resolution passed pursuant to Article 11 of our Constitution) vigorously to decry a decision whereby stamps formerly applic- able to Great Britain as a whole are now so degraded as to be for use in England alone. We urge the issue forthwith of further regional stamps for Berwick-on-Tweed, Kingston-upon-Hull, Isle of Wight, Holy Island (Northumberland). Hayling Island, Lundy Island, Scilly Isles. Eddystone Light- house—and England.—Yours, etc.,

MURIEL ASHLEIGH

GEO. CALE, AB

+ ALBERT COLCESTR BURNSALL GODFREY, SMYTHE-FEATHERSTONEHAUGH OF MOUNTARARAT, F-111 (It HARDMAN)

Is England anything today?

Is Hampstead Heath? Is Villa Park? Is Somerset? Is Morecambe Bay? • The Pool of London? Cutty Sark? The Swan of Avon so much junk? The Sage of Lichfield unknown dust? Shackleton in oblivion sunk?

And Oates's honour gone in rust? Is there no word of Albion now? No glitter from the ancient lamp? Where is the steadfast English brow. The English touch, the English stamp?