No. 1271: The winners

JasPistos reports: Competitors were asked to versify a public notice in a cheery, demotic manner. It's always difficult to make the trite in- teresting, let alone amusing, and not all of You captured the solemn asininity of the law in rhyme, so well exemplified by that sickening goodie of the old London Transport posters, Billy Brown of London Town, who during the war used to haunt our trains with his bossy admonition about the anti-bomb tape across the windows: 'I hope you'll pardon my correction. That stuff is there for your protection.' But the first eleven were well up to winning stan- dard and earn £4 each.

National Savings Sound investments see you through. Jesus Saves — so why don't you?

(Roger Woddis) We shall protectyou if we can. You innocent pedestrian; And thus this park we firmly close To litter, bikes, and radios.

Dogs are essential to the blind And are permitted, but be kind; Order, not ordure, is our need, So keep them mostly on the lead.

There is a place inside the gate Where they're allowed to defecate.

(Paul Griffin) To keep our pavements looking super, Be sure to use your pooper-scooper.

(John Sweetman) It's criminal as well as wicked To ride on trains without a ticket.

If you try it and get caught You'll pay a fine, and so you ought.

(Charles Mosley) While you're browsing through the books Confine yourself to nods and looks.

Should you forget, and talk or shout, Our Miss Simms will throw you out.

(N. J. Warburton) Major Road Ahead The road that very soon you'll be arriving on Is more important than the one you're driving on.

Slow down and stop, for if your car moves faster It's likely to be part of a disaster.

(Mary HOltby) This way for Luton — John o'Groats The Watford Gap — the Firth of Forth Cloth caps — flat vowels — porage oats Kilts — pigeons — whippets — Labour votes - Tripe — dourness — shipbuilders ... In short, This way for HATFIELD AND THE NORTH.

(Peter Norman) Here motorists are meant to stop: Run for your life; if one-legged, hop.

(T. Griffiths) No Motor Vehicles Except for Access Come not down this little road, Unless to reach your own abode, Or some business here you've got, Or by motor powered you're not.

(Richard Wallington) In this compartment of the train, We ask you kindly to refrain From smoking.

Your compliance with this plea Saves those who like their air smoke-free From choking. (V. Ernest Cox) Although it pays to advertise, Gentlemen, please check your flies.

(D. B. Wood)