Fell sergeant
Sir: In common with other UK subscribers on this side of the Atlantic, I hugely enjoy reading Mr Waugh's eccentric and, one has always assumed, largely fictitious accounts of the vileness of English modern life. At least I did until I realised, following a recent visit home, that he seriously under- estimates the dangers to normal, law-abid- ing citizens of the nanny state. My British neighbour's 18-year-old child had applied to join the police. A sergeant from a nearby town was sent to interview the parents and child. Two hours were spent chatting over tea and biscuits, at the end of which the sergeant declared the youth to be just the sort of person the modern police were look- ing for. What he failed to declare was that he had decided to issue a summons to the parents for having an antique gun on the wall of their living-room with an expired licence and not locked in the manner pre- scribed. It did not matter that all working parts had been long removed; it did not matter that it had been used by the father's grandfather at Bisley; it did not matter that the licence had been religiously renewed every three years for over 30 years and had only expired by a few weeks because serious illness and a hospital operation had inter- vened. What did matter was that this upholder of the law could notch up one more credit for himself in the bureaucratic performance measurement system so dear to the modern police force.
The summons was duly issued, the local constable was sent round, profuse with embarrassment, to confiscate this lethal weapon which now languishes in a police warehouse at tax-payers' expense. The own- ers have no redress and will never see their property again. Needless to say, the daugh- ter decided that this was just not the sort of police force she wanted to join and with- drew her application. In the US town in which I live, any member of the police force who behaved in such a manner would immediately lose his job, for the police are employed and paid by us, the citizens. To protect my UK neighbours from fur- ther police harassment, I would be grateful if you would withhold my name and address, should you publish this letter.
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