SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 146

Report By .1. A. R. Pimlott Readers were invited to submit an excerpt from The Mad Hatter's Christmas Party.

THE probItm for competitors was to achieve a convincing balance between Christmas and Carroll. I was looking for a piece of authentic Lewis Carroll about a recoknisably Christmas party. Nobody really succeeded. Most competitors closely followed the model of the tea- party in Alice—often too closely=but none could sustain the true Carroll note. The more adventurous were even less successful in capturing it. Boldest of all was John Westlake with the United States cutting the Christmas cake for other countries. R. B. Browning's party was on the Terrace at Westminster. " Why do politicians always put their hands in other people's pockets ? " asked Alice. Neither brought it off. The same was; generally speaking, true of the 'topical allusions—to rationing, Uncle Joe, the B.B.C. and so forth. " Have some UNO cake," urged the Hatter (Lettice E. Curtis). " It's over-done--too much gas." For the rest there were passable to good puns and riddles as well as some outrageous ones Cs Who is Min and what does she spy on ? " or " left 'ere, left 'ere "), and plenty of good knockabout fun. But only snatches carried convic- tion. The reason may be that Carroll is in the last resort inimitable. A number of competitors referred to the " Mad Hatter." As Allan M. Laing pointed out, Carroll never did so ; it was always the " Hatter." I took off marks for the usage (except of course in the title), but not many.

I award £2 10s. to David W. James (of Milan) for an entry which had some good moments and kept a more even standard than most, and £1 5s. to Nan Wishart. R. Kennard Davis, Mrs. J. Fetherston- haugh, and Giulietta James (also of Milan) are commended ; R. Kennard Davis might have won a prize but for the excessive subordination of Christmas in his entry. £1 5s. also goes to Susan Sutcliffe, aged ten. Susan was among the more successful of those who ventured beyond the confines of Alice. Washing up has assumed a prominence in the Christmas ritual which it did not enjoy in the nineteenth century, and writing today Carroll might well have brought it in ; and, perhaps because of her unsophistication, she hit off some of his characteristics better than the adults. My son (aged seven) enjoyed her entry very much. If I was slightly biased in her favour, I hope that it may be forgiven. After all it is Christmas, and I think Lewis Carroll would have approved the lapse.

' FIRST PRIZE . (DAVID W. JAMES) Alice smoothed her pinafore and rang the doorbell. Immediately the door was thrown open and the March Hare and the Mad Hatter burst out, taking both her hands and exclaiming, " A happy Christmas— so kind of you to ask us ! "

" I think there must be some mistake," said Alice. " You asked me, you know." Stepping inside, she saw the Dormouse, asleep on the Christ- mas tree, and, nudging him gently, she said, " I've brought you a present."

The dormouse stirred and murmured, " This tea's getting cold : my nose goes twinkle, twinkle, twinkle... . ."

" It's no use," said the Mad Hatter. " He's in a somnolent mood. Leave your present till it's passed. He'll wake up later."

" What's the time ? " asked the March Hare, eating a spoonful of brandy butter out of his gold watch.

" The present, of course," replied the Hatter. " Didn't you hear the young lady ? No time like the present, you know," he continued, turning to Alice and smiling politely. " Would you like your Christmas- box now ? "

" Indeed, I should like it very much," said Alice. Upon this, the Mad Hatter put up his fists, and gave her a ringing box on the ear. This was too much for Alice, who. . . .

SECOND PRIZES (NAN WISHART)

" Why is the Christmas tree upside-down ? " Alice asked the Dormouse in a whisper. - The Dormouse was trying to get into his stocking and did not reply, but the March Hare said loudly : " So that we can burn the candles at both ends, of course ! "

"Bit there aren't any candles," objected Alice.

" If it's a question of candles," said the March Hare coolly, "it's a burning question."

" Which soes to show," said the Mad Hatter, " that you should never lire questions:" Alice said nothing, but she felt very cross. The March Hare was taking all the things out of the plum-pudding—the had the ring and the thimble and two sixpences—and was hiding them in his saucer ; the Hatter was quietly lifting the crackers off the table. and stuffing them under his hat.

" You might at least pull one cracker," she said indignantly.

" There's never anything in them except hats." the March Hare said discontentedly. " It's all right for the Hatter, but I like THINGS in my crackers."

" I like things in my plum-pudding," said Alice meaningly,. but the March Hare appeared not to hear. . . .

(SUSAN M.Strramss)

The Mad Hatter was washing up for the tenth time that day. He had eaten ten Christmas puddings, hastily prepared by the dormouse between sips of tea. Consequently a few tea-leaves had dropped into the mixture and he was not feeling very well. Just then the March Hare came rushing in. " Come at once ! " he shouted, " and help me to catch the Dodo ! ' " Why ? " asked the astonished Hatter. " Well," replied the Hare, " there are all those guests arriving tonight, and we have nothing for them to eat."

After they had succeeded in coaxing the Dodo into a cauldron on a blazing fire, the Hatter considered how many guests were coming to the party. " The King and Queen of Hearts, the Lord Chancellor, and Old Father Time. Hmm. . . . that's ten. Have you laid the table for ten, Hare ? Oh, yes, one, ten, yes that's right."

" What's the cake made of ? " asked the dormouse sleepily. " Oh, pepper, mustard, two pints of milk, and ten ounces of yeast, said the Hare, whereupon the Dormouse fell asleep, arid the Hare and the Hatter waited for the first guest to arrive.