1 AUGUST 1998, Page 49

High life

Hairy and horny

Taki

IAthens t is 41° C in the shade, and even the horny Greek Lotharios have had to take cover. In fact, it's so hot a girl can walk alone and unmolested anywhere in this ancient capital. I don't know why, but Greek men seem to suffer more from the heat than the fairer sex. Perhaps it is because they're hairy; it could also be because they're so horny. Hot blood and extreme heat do not go together.

It is certainly much too hot to work. So I am trying to revive the Ancient Greek ideal. The Athenian gentleman spent his entire day in conversation and gymnastic exercises. I sit with Professor Yohanes Goulandris and his son Leonidas and exchange ideas about the human condition. 'Is the faithful Homeric Penelope, wife of Odysseus, the ideal woman? If not, why not?' Of course she is. Although Odysseus spent ten years bonking the hell out of Calypso, Penelope waited and stonewalled the suitors in a manner that would make the Draft Dodger green with envy. Was Paris right to choose Helen when he was offered an empire, military glory, or the most beautiful woman on earth?' Of course he was. Men become empire builders and gain military glory in order to impress beautiful women. Hence the Trojan War. 'Is Homer the greatest epic poet ever?' A thousand times yes. And I can prove it. According to my ancestor Aristotle, Homer was it. According to the greatest Greek writer since Homer, the blind one had more influence on Western literature than any other writer: Dante, Virgil, Montaigne, Keats, Pope, the list is endless.

When it gets too hot to talk, we jump into the swimming-pool and do a bit of breast-stroking. When the sun goes down I use a skipping-rope, do my karate exercises and get ready for dinner. Everything is home grown in the garden, except for the booze. Despite eating two helpings three times a day, I've lost weight because I am finally eating correctly. It is called the Goulandris diet, and I will be publishing a book about it soon. Well, as soon as I can get Aliki Goulandris to give me her recipes.

And while I'm making future plans, if I catch the wise guy who thought up that cute 'No Tripe, No Tittle-Tattle, No Taki' advertisement for the Sunday Business newspaper, I shall add to his alliterative genius with a fourth one: 'No Teeth'. A Greek jerk saw the ad and wired a dis- graceful story making me out to be some kind of litmus test — with Taki you lose, without Taki you win.

This is the good news. The bad is that Tassos Papastratos, the last great gentle- man industrialist, died earlier this month. Mr Papastratos I knew most of my life. He was the biggest tobacco tycoon in Greek history, pumping his vast fortune into char- ities, hospitals, libraries and foundations, as his father and uncle had done before him. His exquisite old-world courtesy was matched only by his civic duty. To the Papastratos family, the nation always came first. I am not so sure it was reciprocal. I nevertheless never heard him once com- plain, except to denounce thieving politi- cians. During the German occupation, my father asked him for a contribution to the charity fighting starvation. 'I will never for- get it,' said my father. 'When I looked at the cheque it was blank. "You fill it in," said Tassos.'

That is the kind of man he was, and, alas, he has not exactly been replaced by the modern Ali Babas of today. During his 80th birthday celebration eight years ago, his grandchildren lined up to wish him happy birthday. 'But I thought I had only ten,' said Mr Papastratos. 'There are 11 there.' My then nine-year-old John Taki had felt left out and had lined up. He got the biggest hug of them all.

My children grew up in the magnificent house which belongs to Aliki Goulandris, Mr Papastratos's daughter. I don't know how it started but the mother of my chil- dren and I have spent the last 25 years here. At times, we'd stay with my parents, others on the boat, but this is home – with- out the headaches, that is. Soon it will be the only house I will wish to visit. My moth- er is fading away and it is only a matter of weeks, if not days. Throughout my life I did everything possible to impress my father, but the big debt I owe to mother. She is happy to go and join him.

'We're not fooling anyone, Sidney.'