Q. I wonder if you can help me get to
the bottom of a small mystery? My husband (aged 85) and I (aged 73) have always enjoyed an active social life in both London and the country. I would not want to appear boastful, but people seem to enjoy our company — particularly that of my husband, who is something of a cult figure in certain circles. In the last couple of years we have become friendly with a young couple who live quite near us in the country. (They are in their thirties.) We have had them round three times, they have had us twice. We are desperate to see them again and have begged them to come to us, bring
ing with them a young historian friend of theirs who is said to be keen to meet my husband. The young wife keeps saying, 'No, you must come to us', but although I have given her innumerable dates when we are free, this has been going on for nine months and still she does not arrange it. I know that she and her husband are fond of us, I know that this historian wishes to meet my husband. Can you explain, Mary, why she does not go ahead and fix up the lunch?
Name and address withheld A. Yes indeed. The problem is that, while older people still stick to their word and do what they say they are going to do. the young (i.e. anyone under 45 years old) now like to be able to chop and change their plans right up until the last minute. Young people like to 'see how they feel on the day' — even with regard to expensive opera tickets and the like. And, with most members of their generation happy to go along with mobile-telephone-driven, last-minute opportunism, they
are therefore subconsciously loath to commit themselves to an arrangement with an older person. Deal with young people in future by announcing that you are only 'pencilling in' the appointment and will be perfectly happy to cancel on the day should it not suit. You then have a 50-50 chance of seeing them, which, as matters stand at present, is better than having none at all.
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