YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. My husband has an old friend who is not very keen on me. This does not worry me unduly except that I know they would like to see each other. My husband misses the trips to the West Midlands to stay with this friend which were a feature of his bachelor days. Invitations have dried up, clearly because this friend fears my presence. How can I get across to him that he need have no fear of my accompanying my husband on such a visit?
S.M., Tisbury, Wiltshire A. Your husband should ring his old friend to announce that he must at some stage visit the West Midlands area on (invented) business and invite himself to stay en route. S. won't be with me,' he can quickly add. She'd love to see you but — keep it to Yourself — she's taken to going to one of these psychic counsellors. The old bat has apparently swung some sort of crystal over a map and told her ill fortune will befall her if she goes anywhere near your neck of the Woods. So, I'm sorry to say, she's unlikely to agree to stay with you ever again . . . But the good news is she doesn't mind if I come and stay with you on my own, just like in the old daysl' Q. Like your recent correspondent, I too occasionally find myself, in the late lunch- hour, in the position of being observed by those sitting inside the long plate-glass win- dow of Kensington Place restaurant. In my case, I am not walking past, but waiting for the number 70 bus to come along. While I wait, I cannot help but be aware of those who are having their lunch inside, directly opposite me. They are only a few feet away but separated, of course, by the long plate- glass window. What facial expression should I wear while I wait?
RR, London W8 A. Why not take the opportunity to tuck in yourself? Purchase some suitable take-away dish — an ideal choice would be the excel- lent sushi from Pret a Manger at only £4.95, which comes with its own chopsticks. Bring along a half-bottle of crisp white wine and set yourself up as a third party at the table, albeit separated by a pane of glass and standing. In this way you can enjoy the pageant and glamour of Kensington Place while paying only a fraction of the cost of those inside. To your added advantage, the pane of glass between you and your lunch- ing companions will excuse you from hav- ing to make the effort of conversation.
Q. I often swim in the same pool as my superiors at work. To date I have managed to time my exit from the water to coincide with my boss's arrival on the premises, but I live in fear of the day I mistime the whole process and find myself in the same lane. What is the etiquette, please?
B.E., London E14 A. It is important not to intrude on your boss's mental privacy when he is in the pool. Burst immediately into butterfly stroke with a lot of wheezing, gasping and excessive arm movements so as to screen off any pos- sibility of making eye contact with him. Leave the pool as soon as possible.
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