Report on 1953

Competitors were asked to write a report on 1953 in the form and style of a company report for shareholders, a school report, the report of a Government Committee, a staff confidential report, or a social survey report.

Especially quotable company reports were those of Findlay P. Murdoch (Universal Time Supply Co.) : " Last March your Directors decided to terminate the supply of our vital commodity to M. Stalin of Russia, since it has always been their experience that such liquidations do much to promote high- level temporising in the international sphere, and I think timeholders will agree that events to date have fully justified this step " —and also the delightful absurdity of -and " : " As is now well known to all Shareholders, 1953 once again had twelve months ; this came as no surprise to your Board who, by the use of their not unscientific Statistical and Research Depart- ment which the Company now enjoys, had been able to forecast this division of the year with some measure of accuracy. Some months had more days than other months but this unevenness levelled off into the overall expected figure of 365 days."

PRIZES (N. SMITH) Though the usual excellent advertising campaign accompanied the introduction of this commodity to the public, we should be deceiving ourselves if we believed that it had caught on generally. We must repeat what has been said in so many of our reports: that, though we are in the unique position of trading in an article for which there is at the momem no substitute, we must beware of relying too heavily on this monopoly. We can all re- member the Gregorian Calendar crisis!

The sag remained at its worst between May and August. Even when they are unjustified, the expectations of 'the public must be realised. Though we received fewer complaints than in the case of certain recent commodities, there is still a strong feeling that we mislead with our initial campaign. When launching the re-adapted product, therefore, we intend to modify our trademark of the naked smiling babe. ...

(ERICA SCOTT)

In its preliminary consideration of para- graph (a) of clause 3 of part 2 of its terms of reference, viz: the committee has felt bound to pay due regard to the views expressed by a sub-committee, under the chairmanship of Sir Harry Twister of the Cotton Board, in paragraph 23 of its second interim report, which reads as follows:

"We are agreed as to the prime necessity of seeking at an early date an authoritative definition of the word 'year,' since our legal members. are unable to advise us that it is a term of art and those of us with actuarial experience are of the opinion that it may well be intended to relate to the financial, as distinct from the. calendar, year, in which case it would appear prima facie undesirable to express more than a tentative view on a matter which is still, in the nature of things, sub judice."

With this expression of opinion on the part of the Sub-comMittee, the committee is, with one or two minor reservations, in general agree- ment.

(JOYCE JOHNSON)

DOMESTIC SCIENCE: Clumsy handling of china and flying saucers counteracted by Spring demonstration that plane fare can bring a delightful Menu in. Her Ovalteam also great success and drunk with joy in Summer. Jam in scullery proved to be a mistake in Winter.

PAINTING: Her series of "Seaside Beaches" in oils attracted much attention.

Scuirrum:: Is now 3D-conscious, and busts have been prominently displayed.

Doac;N: Deplorable , sense of colour-values.

Treatment of blacks and reds especially bad. Aarrmatific: Ready to tackle rule of three. ALGEBRA I Ever-present problem of x ports has

made demands on industry. Striking methods adopted.

GmMii:TBy: New slant and fresh angles on problematic subjects obtained by discarding old rulers. SPORT: Still benefiting from the fillip 1952 gave to all-round sportsmanship and helped by practical technique of tensing, has achieved new heights. Popularity of weekly contests such that spectators now arranged in three columns instead of two.

(DOUGLAS HAWSON)

SCIENCE: Very advanced but should take care not to endanger the premises with his experiments.

LANGUAGES: Puzzled by most things German and has continual difficulty with his French, while Hungarian has completely defeated him. Appears at last to be making progress with Russian.

ART: Far too hurried and slap-dash. Really must learn to draw.

DEBATING: His favourite subject. A fluent and copious talker but should realise that personal abuse is not argument and that his opponents are not invariably wrong.

SPORT: Has been inclined to seek .the limelight and neglect team spirit. Takes the subject far too seriously.

GENERAL CONDUCT: An improvement on previous years but is still too quarrelsome and forgetful of past favours. Improves slowly in his treatment of animals, other races and the opposite sex.