YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
In answer to the request of J.G.H., Norfolk (Dear Mary, 4 May), for sock-suspenders and long socks, we are able to supply both by post.
R. Head, Vincent Head Menswear, 47-48 High Street, Marlborough, Wiltshire A. Thank you for your considerate letter. May I take this opportunity of also thank- ing N.S. of Amlwch, Isle of Anglesey, who was warm-hearted enough to actually seek out a box of sock-suspenders in a closing- down sale at her local menswear outlet, and send them to me for J.G.H.'s enjoyment. 'There is no need for reimbursement,' she wrote, `(a paltry £2 sale price). An acknowl- edgment and an expression of his pleasure would be sufficient.'
Q. I was recently afflicted by a most painful boil on a sensitive part of my anatomy. Given my predisposition not to sit down during an entire week, and my unmaskable discomfort whenever circumstances forced me to do so, I decided that an open explanation of my condition at work was inevitable. However, I now regret that decision, as I have been sub- jected to a constant stream of innuendo and unamusing jokes; these show no sign of abat- ing now that my medical problem has been resolved, and are spreading beyond the workplace to the rather closed society in which I am forced to live. Mary, what should I have told my colleagues?
P.B.Y., Brasilia A. Thank you for your query. The correct procedure would have been to have pre- tended to have injured the buttock area while out on a walk in the country and vaulting over a barbed wire fence. 'My doc- tor has told me to avoid sitting down if at all possible because the stitches shouldn't be put under any sort of strain,' you could have explained.
Q. I am a fairly attractive lady of 43. I am a director of my own company. I have a prob- lem which I hope you can advise me on. At every board meeting all the men insist on kissing me as if it were a social occasion. How can I stop them doing this? It is very irritating! C.H., London SW A. Next time you attend a board meeting be the last person to arrive. Bustle busily in, holding an open briefcase in front of you in which you are scrabbling as though for some- thing of immediate relevance. Hold yourself erect. When the men come leering forward, use the briefcase as a protective shield to thwart their osculatory intentions, while thrusting your hand out to the right to shake theirs in a firm, no-nonsense manner.
Q. How can I create a minor stir at a party without actually upsetting anyone? I am an actress and I am afraid I crave attention. Name and address withheld A. At the busiest moment of the party, start showing the palms of your hands to the people next to you, and invite them also to show the palms of their own hands. Advise the company that you have been told that red palms are the sign of some- one who drinks too much. This will set in motion a stimulating round of revelations as others nearby, who are equally bored by the repetitive nature of social enter- tainment, are drawn to your group to expose their own hands to all and sundry. Meanwhile, you can orchestrate the discussion.
Mary Killen
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