12 YEAR OLD SCOTCH WHISKY

COMPETITION

egaVAS RestV

12 YEAR OLD SCOTCH WHISKY

Angling for small fry

Jaspistos

In Competition No. 1685 you were in- vited to provide an extract from a brochure from a school which is keen to attract pupils, but whose advertising style and content are unlikely to attract parents.

Shades of Narkover, that disgraceful academy invented by Beachcomber and run by crooked Dr Smart-Allick, the re-• frain of whose school song began:

Straight is my bat, Aye, straighter year by year . . .

High marks for these extracts from your extracts: 'The school accepts pupils from all backgrounds and with all levels of attainments, as it firmly believes that there are no inadequate young persons but only inadequate parents' (George Moor); 'Reli- gion is free, except for different ones, as these are dear to run' (D. B. Jenkinson); and, more mysteriously, 'No prayers are said and followed by a short period of silence' (David Heaton). I also enjoyed R.

C. Burnell's Shotby Holdale (not quite an anagram of Dotheboys Hall), which 'be- nefits from the interest of distinguished personalities, particularly Miss Esther Rantzen. Grove Players, weather permit- ting, frequently perform Shakespeare's Dream.'

The prizewinners, printed below, get £16 each, and the bonus bottle of Chivas Regal 12-year-old de luxe blended whisky goes to Hilda Brooks for a nice bit of Timbertop- ping.

Coolibah College nestles on the edge of the Nullarbor Plain in a setting conducive to quiet and studious pursuits. The new boarding accom- modation has been completed and we are assured that, this time, no sacred site is in- volved. We are also assured that the unfortunate `pointing the bone' incident of last year will not recur.

While the school offers a standard academic curriculum its extra-curricular activities are what make Coolibah College unique. Though Hang- ing Rock is now excluded,. some of the climbs included in the Physical Education prog- ramme, if successful, offer aii opportunity to witness sweeping views of the desert landscape. This year we are introducing the Bush Tucker course which will not only allow students the excitement of foraging for food but should keep costs down in the dining-room. Special protec- tive clothing, including snake-proof trousers, is issued from the school, an indication that Coolibah College cares.

(Hilda Brooks) Every parent has the opportunity of taking out special insurances, which are completely option- al, but have proved so popular that they enable us to reduce fees to a minimum. These insur- ances see a pupil through every stage of a school career, from the Rejection Policy at the time of registration to the Careers Advice Priority scheme on leaving. Other opportunities include our — No-Punishment Cover — Bonus Mark Scheme — Bullying and Victimisation Insurance — Exam Maximisation Plan — Damage Indemnity.

We strongly recommend these policies to parents, plus, for boys of athletic promise, Team Omission Insurance. The current premium for each scheme, together with a summary of benefits, is enclosed with this brochure.

(Paul Griffin) Courses aim, above all, at fostering independent thought. We are, we believe, the only school to offer classes in Experimental Punctuation (all levels) and sixth-form projects in Advanced Hypothetical Science; in the latter pupils are encouraged, under tactfully light supervision, to develop their own ideas in an area increasingly under threat in modern Britain following recent cuts in research grants. There is an annual prize for the best project (won this year by an impressively original essay on arbitrary variation in the speed of light).

We do, though, recognise the balancing role of discipline in promoting self-reliance. Foreign languages are taught through our own highly efficient 'Rotational Deprivation Method', whereby pupils are gently but firmly denied food, drink, sleep, liberty, etc (but never more than one simultaneously) till they have success- fully expressed their hunger, say, or weariness, in the relevant language. Most of our older pupils are trilingual at least.

(Chris Tingley) Next term, Thruthenose Hall welcomes the popular comic Jim Davidson onto the Board of Governors. It is an appointment in keeping with one of our most cherished objectives — that of encouraging in pupils a 'square-on' approach to society at large. We have long sought — through our Outreach scheme — to integrate with 'the world outside' and Mr Davidson's promise to 'look in' on our Rhetoric classes will, we are in no doubt, be of inestimable value.

Thruthenose has never sought to deny the extreme and irrational elements in human be- haviour and this is reflected in both our academic and sporting curricula. The Aleister Crowley Award for Distinction in Scientific Achievement is a case in point and recalls just one illustrious former head boy.

At work or play, however, neither pupils nor masters should ever lose sight of the simple creed contained in the school motto: In vino veritas.

(James Tebbutt) Set in the rolling countryside of South Armagh, McGarrigle's Military Academy was founded in the late Sixties to span the ever-widening gulf between the divided peoples of Ulster.

The Academy prides itself on its non-sectarian curriculum and the ecumenical bias of its reli- gious instruction, and makes no differentiation between sex, creed, colour or ethnic origin.

In the words of the Founder, Brig. Bernard McGarrigle MC, whose inspiration and dedica- tion are reflected in every aspect of the Academy's life: 'Our methods evoke a direct response and instil in the pupil all he or she needs to develop life-management techniques and the drive to ultimate success.'

In addition to pure academic prowess, the Founder's philosophy lays great emphasis on social skills; many members of staff have seen active service in the community before joining the cloistered calm within these walls.

For further information, contact the Bursar, giving two credit references.

(Dick Prosser)