Q. For nearly 40 years we have enjoyed the rewarding
friendship of the owners of one of England's finest stately homes. We have stayed with them on a number of occasions but now feel that we simply cannot face another visit. They will not hear of us staying in a nearby hotel so, despite invitations, we have so far managed to make excuses. The reason? Their guest-wing beds were probably installed in the 1920s and have not been renewed. Consequently they are completely concave and one endures a wretched night. I simply cannot bring myself to mention this fact since I do not wish to hurt their feelings. Do you have any suggestions as to how this unhappy situation could be resolved?
Name and address withheld A. Simply buy a couple of futons and, on arrival, have them brazenly carried into your room along with your luggage. You can roll these out and sleep there quite happily within the supplied bedlinen. Do not be surreptitious in any way. If questioned by staff. explain, 'It's a new form of yoga we are doing where we try to sleep with the spine extended to its maximum capacity.' This would be well within the bounds of credibility and no offence could be given.
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