YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. I shall be attending a number of drinks Parties in the forthcoming weeks and esti- mate that at over half of these no snacks of any kind will be served. I tend to get appalling hangovers if I do not eat snacks at Parties, especially when drinking cham- pagne, and wonder what the rules are about bringing one's own food along.
B.M., London WC2 A. Clearly you cannot taunt the tastebuds of fellow party-goers by chomping on a private Picnic while they salivate. Neither can you undermine your host by offering snacks around. Instead, prepare the quantities you will require for personal satisfaction in your Own home: sandwiches, cold chicken nuggets or sausages, anything of reasonably durable texture which can be chopped into small pel- let form. Transfer the pellets into a series of containers with flip-top lids. Empty Tic-Tac Mint packets would be suitable. At the party you can discharge the foodstuffs discreetly into your own mouth when pausing between interlocutors. If challenged, mutter some- thing about 'preventative medication'.
Q..I have lost the process-paid envelope which comes with the roll of Kodachrome ''`ide film and enables you to have the film devei oped fe. hat can I do, since our local chemistre you you can only have Kodak
Dear Mary.. .
film processed at Kodak and he cannot do it even if I pay him?
H.W., Westonbirt A. Simply Sellotape your name and address to the film canister and post it off to Kodak Laboratory, PO Box 2, 29 Deer Park Road, London SW19 3UG. The kind technicians waive the charges for this particular incom- petence, since blunderers could not have got the film without the envelope and the envelope cannot be 'abused' without the purchase of Kodachrome film.
Q. I have recently come into a job where I have a large budget for expenses. I would like to take grand and famous people out to lunch and make friends with them, but the trouble is I do not know many. How should I go about getting my feet on the initial rungs of the ladder? L.M.N., London E14 A. You may not know many celebrities yourself but you must surely know some spongers who do. Tempt a sponger by inviting him to an irresistible restaurant, then suggest that he bring along his celebrity friend. At the last moment can- cel the sponger but turn up for the celebrity, pretending that you had wanted to cancel him or her as well but could not get through, so thought you had better show up and apologise. 'But, as it turns out, the emergency is off — so let's have lunch!' Then bond with the celebrity.
Q. A friend who comes to stay is always opening my fridge and drinking directly from bottles. He does this with milk, wine, juice, anything. He does it absent-mindedly. I adore him but I don't like the thought of his DNA samples blocking the mouths of every vessel that I pick up. How can I cure him of this habit?
M.W., Wilts A. Put a mini-bar in his bedroom with lots of pre-opened bottles containing an inch or so of milk, wine, juice, etc. In this way, you can indulge his compulsion, letting him swig away to his heart's content while leav- ing you to feel guilt-free about fitting a child lock on the main fridge door.
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