Couples without children have seen their income fall by as

much as two per cent while adults who took the precaution of procreat- ing have fared veiy well. Their incomes have gone up by as much as six per cent.

This new obsession with breeding extends to looks. Those with childbearing hips are praised while skinny catwalk babes, who prefer smoking to taking folic acid, are singled out for abuse.

For those New Labour friends such as Peter Mandelson, who can't join the club, Mr Blair is trying to change the adoption rules so that homosexuals can also enjoy the wonders of their child's first step.

The procreation police — led by Mar- garet Jay, Tessa Jowell, Margaret Hodge and Harriet Harman — are most apparent in the House of Commons where Betty Boothroyd, a spinster, seems to be fighting a lone battle against breast-feeding in pub- lic. 'How can she know what women need?' Julia Drown, the Labour MP for South Swindon, said, Ms Drown is adamant that she will win her fight to breast-feed her baby in a Commons committee.

The new Labour MPs — more Blair's brood-mares than babes — are also demanding bottle-warming facilities, fish fingers in the canteen, microwaves for baby food, and highchairs. They seem to have forgotten that they go to the Commons to work. In the Lords they want childcare pay- ments for female peers. But you never hear Lord Tebbit demanding a subsidy for the carers who have had to look after his wife round the clock since she was injured in the Brighton bomb.

Several companies have started to follow the government's lead. Tate Modern has installed 'Mother and Baby' lifts, and most supermarket chains now have parking zones exclusively for mothers and babies.

Young Labour MPs know it's their duty to breed. Ruth Kelly has had two children since being elected and is expecting her third in August. She is now working on proposals for better state maternity leave. Yvette Cooper has been promoted to pub- lic health minister since having her baby, and is spearheading the government's Breast-feeding Is Best campaign this week with a series of glossy advertisements.

Compare this to the Tory party. William Hague has made it clear that he and Ffion want to have fun first, going skiing in the United States and staying in maharajahs' palaces. 'How selfish can you get?' one young Labour MP said to me, 'Ffion must know how important a baby is to their party.' Michael Portillo doesn't have any. Ann Widdecombe has resorted to being pho- tographed with her mother. Tory shadow education minister, Teresa May, has yet to visit Mothercare on her own account; and it is only this week that we learn that Julie Kirkbride and Andrew Mackay are expect- ing in October. Senior Tories who do have children never mention them, no doubt out of sensitivity to other people's feelings. Only David Mellor would dream of being pictured leaning on the gate with his brood after he'd been caught toe-sucking. Francis Maude keeps his five children out of sight; Iain Duncan Smith won't even divulge he has four.

So have Tony's Tots stolen a march on their less fertile opponents? Should the Tories all be force-fed Viagra to help them win more seats? Definitely not. Many vot- ers don't have children, and they are begin- ning to resent all the attention focused on New Labour's babes.

Singletons are tired of being treated as second-class citizens. They're sick of pushy parents marching to the front of the queue, the frightening moral righteousness of the exhausted mum. Why should they subsidise squealing infants to go half-price on planes? They are already paying for other people's maternity-leave and education bills. They work over Christmas and in August so that their colleagues can go on holiday with their children.

Then there are the elderly who are fed up with being told that they shouldn't be squandering their money on cruises when they could be babysitting for the younger generation. New Labour would like them to take note of Mrs Blair's mother, who is moving into Gordon Brown's flat to look after her new grandchild. But why should the government force the older generation to look after another batch of children when they have increased their state pen- sion by only 75p a week?

Mr Hague should look at the statistics. By 2010 almost half the population will be living alone. And those who aren't single are increasingly likely to be old. These two groups of voters are large, articulate and increasingly irate. In America there has already been a backlash. Just read the childless-by-choice website. 'People who have children aren't doing it for the benefit of the country,' writes one singleton. `They're doing it because they want some- one to love them and look after them in old age.'

The Tories should become the party of the singles, the childless marrieds, the elderly and anyone who has ever wanted to throttle a screaming baby on a long- haul flight.

William and Ffion — Young, Childless and Free — could be more attractive role models for the new century than Tony, washing those non-disposable nappies in the No, 10 sink.

Alice Thomson is associate editor of the Daily Telegraph.

7 baptise this child, "Whatever they call the Blair baby".'