Your Problems Solved
Dear Maly Q. I recently prayed to St Jude, the patron saint of lost causes, in the cause of a friend who was desperately ill. My prayers were answered. I have been told that it is protocol to acknowledge in writing favours received by St Jude. To where should I post the letter, Mary? I am confused.
Name and address withheld A. You are not expected to write to St Jude himself Instead, it is traditional to place a small ad in a publication with personal columns. Why not do this to coincide with 28 October; this saint's feast day?
Q. My wife and I are planning to visit the mediaeval countryside of the Saxon villages of southern Transylvania where one can observe the results of hundreds of years of traditional land management and non-intensive mixed farming. On hearing of our plans, some neighbours announced their interest in visiting this area and asked for details of our tour operator, which we naturally gave to them although we were non-committal about our own dates. Unfortunately, although we are fond of these neighbours, the reason we go abroad is to have a mental break from everything to do with our normal life and to have a 'full immersion' experience in the country we are visiting. What shall we do if our nightmare comes true and we find these neighbours in the same resort as ourselves?
Name and address withheld A. Dracula costumes are among Romania's most successful exports and, as Halloween approaches, these are widely available in English newsagents. Why not stock up on a couple of masks? Since a number of Romanians pose as Dracula as part of daily routine, no one will bat an eyelid if you use this method to give your neighbours the slip.
Q. I read with interest your recommendation to look down at your feet when walking on crowded pavements. My experience as a tall expatriate on the world's most crowded streets in Causeway Bay in Hong Kong was exactly the opposite — if one looked down, one was staring into the face of the Chinese family in front. Only by looking up to admire the skyscraper towers of the area could one ensure that oncomers took avoiding steps.
A.D.S., London 5W5 A. Thank you for your tip but you were not looking down far enough. The crowd-clearing technique requires one to appear to be staring vaguely at the pavement slabs while progressing along. Your peripheral vision will alert you to immovable objects in your path but fellow pedestrians will assume you are in a daydream and weave out of your way. As a tall man your technique of staring above is equally practical— although much more tiring on the neck Q. As a top PR consultant I am constantly giving offence by forgetting the birthdays of various celebrity friends, some of whom are acutely touchy about such matters. What can I do about this, Mary?
EB., London SWI A. Why not invest in a complete set of Andrew Barrow's popular Almanac prints, now on sale at the new Rebecca Hossack Gallery in Fitzrovia? Hang the current month in your office or kitchen for a gentle pictorial reminder of the forthcoming birthdays of folk like A.N Wilson, Harold Pinter; Maggi Hambling Sir Dai LlewelOtt and Lady Henrietta Rous. If such people are not your cup of tea, you can stick snaps of your own highvoltage chums on top of each collage.
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