YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. .
Q. About five years ago a good friend invited me to join a party fishing for salmon on the River Spey in Scotland. As a beginner, I was somewhat apprehensive, but his patient coaching enabled me grad- ually to improve my casting techniques. I have just returned from the fifth visit with a personal difficulty which is beginning to prey on my mind, and I wonder whether you could assist me in dealing with this tactfully? Including this year, my catch rate has now overtaken his. He has been very gracious all along, but I know he is bottling up a good deal of resentment. Should I accept his goodwill at face value, or should I give him the opportunity to Vent his spleen? If you advise the latter course of action, could you please indicate how I can present him with a suitable opening?
M.M., Shaftesbury, Dorset A. Think through the qualities your friend possesses until you have come up with an area in which you genuinely believe he out- performs you. This will enable you to open the floodgates in an unpatronising manner with a comment such as, 'Well, you must be feeling the way I did when I realised that women find you a thousand times more attractive than they find me!' Or, 'Well, you must be feeling the way I did when I realised that your standard of living exceeds mine by at least two social categories and always will do!' This should serve to set both your minds at rest while not robbing your relationship of a healthy streak of competitiveness.
Q. My son, who lives in west London, is the natural first-night stop for relatives coming from the antipodes and landing at Heathrow. Recently a male cousin of his arrived with a friend, also male. They were given separate beds for two nights. Jolly reunion, etc. When they left, my daughter- in-law stripped their beds and found the linen and mattress occupied by the friend ruined by bedwetting — on both sides! Obviously a second night of discomfort had been avoided by turning the mattress. Nothing had been said before their depar- ture. No bread-and-butter letter, of course — this an unknown courtesy in the antipodes as far as we have discovered. The cousin subsequently rang my son and said they would be returning to Australa- sia in October and could they come and stay for five nights before departure, using the house as a base for a run through Lon- don? Obviously he is oblivious to the problem left behind after the first visit. It is considered that a direct confrontation would have unfortunate repercussions with the cousin and our relatives 'down under'. Any suggestions to save further mattresses?
Name and address withheld A. It was not clear from your letter pre- cisely what type of bedwetting was involved. I have since ascertained by tele- phoning you, however, that this was a straightforward case of old-fashioned, adult bedwetting and not linked in any way to deviance. I understand that your son has already burnt the mattress and pillows in question. He will simply have to buy an incontinence mattress and pillow covers, as widely available in Peter Jones, John Lewis, etc., in preparation for the next visit and shoulder the frustration of the financial loss. He can, however, derive a small amount of compensatory pleasure by `leaking' the story to future family mem- bers who come to stay.
Mary Killen
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