CORRESPONDENCE.

THE GAME: AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR PATRIOTS. LTD THE EDITOR Or Tag " SPECTATOR."]

Sin,-Perhaps you may care to print the following attempt to appeal to the patriotism of the man at the street corner, written in the style of certain American advertisement writers. As it is intended to be taken seriously, I trust its apparent imbecility will not prevent its receiving consideration.-I

am, Sir, &c., F. HARRIS DEANS. 82 Woodland Terrace, Old Charlton, Sent.

DON'T READ THIS If you've gotter bad liver.

Good advertising may sell a bad thing

ONCE, But it won't cure nothing, NEVER.

Well, 'n• how is▪ this liver of yours;

WHITE ?

Or are you ready to Fight ? What are you ? YOU! You, who's readin' this.

Are you a man, or a nut?

It ain't up to me to tell you whatter man oughter do. You know : right inside you do. Yes, you do.

Them as is Nuts oughter drift along to the Zoo so's the MONKEYS c'n have something to crack.

" You would'n' be no terrier, you would'n'." I've heard you, boy, don't shout. Don't you worry, you shan't be no dog ; not even an or'nary little Pup.

I got your cage all ready sawdusted in the Menagerie. Cert'ny you ain't no dog. 'Cos why? 'Cos y'r A RAT.

• • I know your sort, sonny boy. You got one of them ten f'r

thripennies stuck in that Gramophone trumpet you call y'r mouth, 'n y'r talking fourteen inches to the foot about what'll happen if

them furriners declare war.

I kn.)w what's goin' to happen to you, Colonel. You'll be under

y'r mother's bed, ten seconds after the gun's gone, trying to shove

y'r head through the wall the other side.

Oh, I got you pinned under my Microscope all right, all right.

You getter straight eye f'r a

COCOANUT, but you don't know a RIFLE from a

CATAPAULT.

Bullseyes is " suckers " in your vocabulary.

Gee, you make me as tired as y'rself.

But we ain't all NUTS, says you.

We got something else 'sides fruit in the country, says you. So we have. I was forgettin'. We got the SPORT, ain't we ?

I wonner I didden remember HIM. . .

YOU, I might's well say.

(YOU, I say ; 'cos if you ain't a Terrier, nor a Nut, nor a Sport,

what in the Kingdom are you ? You can't 'a' been in a TRANCE all this time.)

• • •

Well, then, you Sport. I got some hope of you. Not much, but some. You could if you would; 'n you would if you only thought. You dunno nothing about shooting, it's true, 'cept when you have Three goes a penny at the CLAY PIPES.

But we c'n all learn if we've got the sense. Life ain't all playin' Ball.

You did ought to realize that, Sport. You did, straight.

You c'n play a good game for y'r team, but it's you for the GRAND STAND when it's a International Game.

That ain't right. Nohow. It'll be a

BIG GAME, that International Game, when it's played. You

did Ought to put y'r name down f'r the Reserves. Talkin' straight, Sport, you did.

It's too late after the whistle's gone. You can't do nothing then, 'cept be SORRY.

How'd you like one of your Reserves, Captain, telling you he wasn't in TRAINING, 'cos he thought you had a full team?

What'd you say to him ?

You wouldn' like your Country to have to say that sort of thing

to you, would you now ?

• • • • • Any of you Sports got an old dad in the National Reserve? I bet you have.

Old man ain't got nothin' better to do, you says. Well, p'r'aps he ain't. It 'ain't many of us as have anything better to do 'n fight f'r our country.

Now, s'pose something did happen, 'n pretty soon. How'd you like PA (The old Pa, Sport, as tanned you when you was young for fightin', 'n then went round bragging 'bout his plucky kid. That's what the old man did do, you know, though p'r'aps you only heard 'bout the hiding you got.) How'd you like Pa, him with the grey hair, the old National

Reserve buffer, to be pertectin' you? You, now y'r BIG ENOUGH

to perteet him.

Tain't right. Tidden playin' the Game, Sport.

They didden ought to have to ADVERTISE for patriots.

They didden used to have. • •

DRAKE. (You heard 'bout him, ain't you? Probly seed him at the theatre.)

Well, Drake wadden always in a play. Once he was REAL ; or you would'n 'a' been here to go 'n see the piece.

They didden have to advertise for men in Drake's day.

They didden ought to have to now. • Look here, now, Sport.

Why not drop games and play the BIG GAME.

Don't be a rat. Be a terrier 'n HUNT rats.

• •

I ain't give up hope of you, Sport.

Remember Henry Five, him as Shakespeare wrote about.

Well, he was REAL. So was them tennis balls they taunted him with; 'cos he used to play games, just like you do. Well, he bucked up, old Henry Five did. He didden always play ball, did Henry Five. You need'n' read Shakespeare to find out that.

You only got to read History. No, I ain't give up hopes of you, Sport.

ONLY, Stop playin' ball fr a bit, an' jes' think if there ain't a