Sale rooms
Boudoir bedeck'd
Charles Campbell
Dick Dives has had a bad year. His daughter has taken up a religion, which, while encouraging self-denial in its neophytes, manages to breed, through the ranks, one or two people with the ethics of a Mafia corporation accountant. His son has decided to play the bongos, the limit of his musical proficiency, but has lately expressed an interest in becoming a farmer in Columbia or Thailand. Worst of all, his wife has run off with a kind handsome man who doesn't give her aeroplanes and Picas- sos for Christmas. None of them is speak- ing to him.
So Dick came to London and set himself up in a suite at the Savoy. For a time he was happy buying widely in and around St James's, but he became bored and lonely. Then one day he acquired a mistress — a beautiful and intelligent divorcee called Julia, who lived in Bedford Gardens. He hadn't been able to use his great talent for buying other people presents, and then one day on the top of a 27 bus, when on his way to see her, inspiration struck. 'In Campden Hill did Dick Dives a stately boudoir room decree . . . turn turn titum titi turn.'
His mind flew to the inessentials. If he were away she might wish to cuddle a teddy bear (by Stieff, 1905, sold Sotheby's October '85, £3,740) and if she heard noises in the night it might comfort her to own a pistol (a Smith and Wesson 44, late 19th century, decorated by Tiffany. Sotheby's November '85, £14,300). As she sat up in bed leafing through a volume of Redoutes Les Liliaces (f3,780,069 Sotheby's New York November '85) her arms might get cold, so she ought to have a pair of down-filled sleeve puffs (ca 1830, £130 Christie's South Kensington), No boudoir would be complete without a chamber pot (silver, Dutch, the Hague 1687, £15,545 Christie's April '85).
They would need a bed (George III mahogany four-poster, £18,700 Sotheby's November '85); some bed hangings, (En- glish mid-18th-century crewel work, £5,500 Christie's South Kensington November 85); two pairs of sheets (one pair pink Irish linen embroidered with exotic lilies in France, late 19th century, one pair white Irish linen with appliquéd satin fleur de lys, ca 1925, f400 a pair, Christie's in Ireland 1984); and an eiderdown (appliqued with animals, English 1822, £480 Christie's South Kensington '85).
A carpet, of course, a carpet (needle- work, decorated with posies. English, late 19th century, £16,000 Christie's South Kensington '84). On his side of the bed he'd get a mat (16th-century Koum Kapu, £59,000 Christie's October '85). She could have a pair of slippers (embroidered with roses and forget-me-nots lined in kid and linen. English 1830, £450 Christie's South Kensington '85). To cover up Julia's rather fussy wallpaper he'd get some wall hang- ings (Chinese, late 18th century, £18,000 Christie's South Kensington '81) and perhaps a few small pictures, nothing too large, (the Picassos still rankled) — a Mantegna etching of 'A Bacchanal and a Wine Press' (£275,000 Christie's December '85), a watercolour by J. F. Lewis of 'The Kibab House, Scutari' (£55,000 Sotheby's December '85) and a drawing by Goltzius of 'Venus, Adonis and Cupid' (£245,000 Sotheby's Amsterdam November '85). Representing, Dick thought, the joys of the bottle, the table and the bed.
What else? Curtains (18th-century chintz, £12,000 Christie's House Sale '82), a bedside lamp (Gallet, £7,150 Sotheby's July '85), a pair of wall lights (Regency gilt wood £23,760 Littlecote House, Sotheby's November '85), and somewhere for Dick to store a couple of clean shirts (a Louis XVI side cabinet by J. H. Riesener. £132,000 Sotheby's July '85).
If Julia had a fault, it was her unpunc- tuality, so he'd buy a clock (by Tompion made for William III to give to Cosimo III de Medici. £284,000 Christie's November '85) and a watch (an early-19th-century Swiss gold and enamel snuff box, auto- maton and watch shaped like a butterfly, £83,600 Sotheby's October '85) to put beside her enamel dressing table set (Birm- ingham, 1760 £12,100 Sotheby's October '85).
Dick awoke from his reverie. The bus was approaching Paddington Station. He had gone way past his stop. Was it an omen? Was he going to go over the top again?
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