High life
Sinners, rejoice
Taki
Oh dear, Christmas is here and instead of getting into a major depression like everyone else I'm actually looking forward to being locked up with my family for ten days. The reason for this is that I'm taking
a short holiday from them between Christ- mas and the New Year, to play some tennis in Palm Beach of all places. It may not be the most Christian thing to do during the holiest of days, but as I'm a lapsed Greek Orthodox already, I think the Almighty will understand.
We sinners have a special relationship with our Maker. At least I like to think so. Take for example Aubemn Waugh, who two weeks ago wrote that I was a fat-arsed, hairy Cypriot waiter. Waugh always says terrible things about people, but hates to read anything bad about himself. I only said something unflattering about his auto- biography and the way his family looks, and presto, he turned me into a self-made man.
Oh, to have been born a Cypriot waiter. Think of the fun I'd be having now. Boats, money and beautiful women: all the things 1 wasn't born with. I guess it's because I'm a sinner that our Lord did not create me a waiter. Just as he — because God is a he did not create Waugh tall, thin and good- looking. If he had, Waugh would not hate the way he does and he wouldn't be half the fun he is to read.
Another sinner who must enjoy a special deal with God is Salman Rushdie. Only last week in the Big Bagel the hunted self- publicist surfaced at a black-tie banquet at Columbia University and once again com- plained about American officials not being thrilled at his coming. He flew over on a private jet, had scores of police escort him in a bullet- and bomb-proof limousine, while bomb blankets were hung on the win- dows of his hotel rooms. Not bad for a sin- ner who claims his plight is worse than that of those who spend five or more years chained to a radiator in a Beirut slum. Not bad at all.
And then, of course, there's Magic John- son, the basketball star who stunned the world with the disclosure that he had tested positive for the HIV virus. It was the first time a high-profile person had conceded that it was his behaviour that was responsi- ble for his catching the fatal disease. 'I agree with those who say my lifestyle was morally wrong. I'm not trying to deny it.'
Well, bravo, Magic. The homosexual community, which has borne the brunt of the disease, in fact has been decimated by it, denies any link between behaviour and the disease. It is as if Jeff Bernard and 1 denied the fact that our drinking and self- indulgence was the cause of acute cirrhosis of the liver and verbal diarrhoea. But now, finally, a sinner has nailed the Big Lie. A stricken man has confessed to the world that it was his promiscuity that caused the infection, a fact denied by the likes of Eliz- abeth Taylor, the homosexual lobby and virtually all the media.
So, there must be something good in being a sinner, especially when one is open about it. I plan to sin heavily immediately after 25 December, and will tell you all about it in the next issue. In the meantime, happy Christmas to all Spectator readers.
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