YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. I suspect I am like most Spectator read- ers in that I pronounce the place where I keep my car or have it repaired as the garage, with a soft 'g' in the second sylla- ble, and a slight emphasis on the first. I find that more and more people are adopting the vulgar pronunciation `gar- ridge', or worse still, `garadge'. I don't wish to sound pedantic or affected but I am reluctant to follow this lead. Should I continue to refer to my 'garage' and risk being thought toffee-nosed, or must I, contrary to all my instincts, pronounce it as if it rhymed with the well-known West End hotel?
M.RG.W., Hindhead, Surrey 4. Certainly not. Even amongst vulgarians Your prestige will be heightened by the spirited display of independence shown by Your continuing to say garaage. And may I take this opportunity to remind all readers of some p.v. (pre-vulgarity) pronunciations Which they may like to find excuses to use if only for the purpose of keeping them in circulation. Abergenny, Altrup, Barkly, Brampton, Bister, Sissil, cundit, Cicester, direa, Dainty, eether, Edwaardian, fond, Born, goff, Himalias, invohlve, jodephurs, Keenya, landty, Maass, ()If, wun, Pell Mell, Korn, Rafe, Riffle, shee-ing, Taynton, yats- man, zeebra. The word 'correct' having been rendered unusable in this context, may I invite readers to send in any further examples of p.v. pronunciations that we should be reminded of?
Q. When I was staying in a house party in Norfolk over the New Year I lost a much- loved and very expensive Georgina von Etzdorf scarf. I'm afraid that when I couldn't find it I suspected one of the other guests — who'd admired it and who was in the bedroom next to mine — of taking it. My suspicion became a conviction and 1 accused her, behind her back, to anyone who knew her, of being a thief. Of course, the scarf has now turned up — discovered under my bed by the cleaning lady. I am now feeling rather ashamed of myself. What should I do to scotch the rumours that I have started?
E.B., London W12 A. You must immediately mount a venereal disease clinic-style operation whereby you contact in turn first all those to whom you communicated the original aspersion, then all those to whom they can recall dissemi- nating it further. Retracting your allegation verbally should be sufficient. An advertise- ment in the personal columns would attract attention to the former suspect which she would be unlikely to welcome.
Q. Can you think of a novel birthday pre- sent for a godson who has everything? He will be two.
CD.S., Ludlow, Shropshire A. What about a luxury thermometer? The Braun Thermoscan (£50 from Boots) receives infra-red rays from the eardrum's tympanic membrane and gives a digital read-out in three seconds. His mother will be pleased even if he isn't.
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