21 MAY 2005, Page 55

Q. My husband and I have been invited to stay

for Royal Ascot-at-York this year with an old friend who lives close to the racecourse and with whom we have stayed many times before on non-racing occasions. The invitation was extended some months ago, but I have just received a letter from our hostess saying that she hopes we will understand but, given the considerable expense of hosting a house party, she will be making a charge for our visit. The charge she proposes is not insubstantial and, added to the cost of our travelling to York, along with the Ascot clothes and other expenses, means it is going to be a very pricey outing. I do not approve of chucking at the last minute but, given that I am not that keen on racing, I would not have accepted the invitation had I known we were to be charged. I fear that our friend has noted that many local houses have been rented out for the occasion and suddenly feels she does not wish to be left behind her more entrepreneurially-minded neighbours in this fiscally attractive opportunity. There was no mention of charging at the outset.

C.F., London SW3 A. Ring your friend up, shrieking with goodnatured laughter as though you are being a good sport in the face of being teased. Say ‘I tell you what, you can come and stay with us for Chelsea Flower Show for three nights for no charge and then we can call it quits!’ The more she protests that it is not a tease, the more you should laugh and refuse to believe she could be serious. You will find she will back off smartly.