YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. Help! I have completely forgotten my hairdresser's name, despite having been to him at least five times in the last year. Since the man has poured out all sorts of intimate details of his life to me, he would undoubtedly be hurt by this lapse of mem- ory. Were I to ask to be reminded of his name when I ring to make an appoint- ment, I am sure the queeny man on recep- tion would make the most of this apparent evidence of cipher status. How can I find out who I go to, Mary, without giving offence?
S.P., Salisbury, Wiltshire 4. Get a friend to ring up and say that he wants to have his hair cut in exactly the same way as Mr S.P., so can he have an appointment with the man who does it. Once he has extracted the name of your hairdresser he can say, 'Oooh, now I see my diary's looking rather full. I'll give you a ring back when I can see a gap in it.'
Q. My wife and I entertain, each summer and autumn, quite a large number of visi- tors at our shooting lodge in Inverness- shire. My two daughters invite various young men, many of whom have not expe- rienced a holiday of this sort before. It has always been customary for our guests to put on tidy clothes at dinner-time after a
Dear Mary.. .
day's exercise on the hill or the river. Din- ner jackets have never been needed but, at the very least, a jacket and tie and a change into smarter clothes. Such a requirement is still customary in West End clubs and hotels. Our difficulty is that the younger generation adopt a much more casual code of dress than the rest of us. Some even arrive for the week with no jacket or tie at all. 1 am sometimes con- scious of clothes being passed round to make everyone in the party presentable in the evening. The girls are never a prob- lem; they are always neatly turned out. How can I ensure in future that my daugh- ter's male guests arrive with a suit of clothes to wear at dinner?
J.P.G., London SW6 A. By the simple expedient of telling them what they are expected to wear, as is the practice in all fully adult households. Do not feel that any pomposity is implied by your dress code. Huge waves of relief flood over virtually everyone when a dress diktat is spelt out (especially in an increasingly ruleless society). Indeed, you might even go one step further and declare that smoking jackets are de rigueur. Impoverished youths will find that these are widely available in all second-hand shops. In addition, for socially inexperienced youths, a smoking jacket has all the attractions of the alterna- tive personas offered by any uniform or fancy dress.
Q. The answer to people who offer to help with the washing-up is: `Terribly kind of you, but a man and a woman will be doing it later.' Nobody, in 46 years, has ever been crass enough to inquire who this couple might be. F.W., London N14
Mary Killen
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL.
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