Q. We have a holiday house in France — we
often have guests to stay and they all, with one exception, offer to take us out to a restaurant at least once during their visit. This offer is gratefully received by the cook — me. The exception is old friends who are otherwise perfect guests. How can I convey to them that this is the done thing? As it is, I feel tired and resentful, and reluctant to have them again.
Name and address withheld A. The point of hospitality is that it is given without strings attached, so a host cannot expect such treats as just deserts. However, judging by the querulous hand in which you write, it seems that the real problem may be that your own stamina will be compromised during these house parties if you cannot depend on the occasional relief from drudgery provided by restaurant outings. Rather than allowing resentment to simmer, ask your husband to casually convey to these friends his anxiety that the house parties are getting too much for you. What do they think he should do to ensure they can continue? He can then sit back in silence while they babble before arriving at the conclusion that, were they to be invited again, they could take you both out or even take on some of the cooking drudgery themselves.
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